


Done Driving and Drunk Doing

by chaitea



Category: Transformers (Bay Movies)
Genre: Drinking, Drunk Sex, F/M, Robot Sex, Robot/Human Relationships, Size Difference, Size Kink, Xeno
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2010-05-04
Updated: 2010-05-04
Packaged: 2018-05-06 04:54:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 25,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5403812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaitea/pseuds/chaitea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Waking up with a stranger after a night of partying isn’t exactly unheard of. Unless one happens to be a sassy Aussie babe and the other a conceited alien robot. Be prepared for awkward hangovers after super-advanced extraterrestrial horsepower gone wrong</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Sunday Morning After

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note: Mirroring between two very different characters experiencing the same situation was by far my favorite self-assigned challenge yet. It can't be helped, I love to play around with pacing and parallels. It was also interesting to cut back on all that dialogue I'm usually tempted to throw in (which helped cut down any feelings of repetitiveness in this chapter).
> 
> There are two ways to read it, either straight through or with both sections side-by-side since the paragraphs line up time wise (almost perfectly!). As for more on this story's actual premise, read away to find out.
> 
> Disclaimer: Just borrowing since all recognizable characters and music legally belong to their respective owners.
> 
> Related Music: Amanda Marshall – The Sunday Morning After

_I woke up with a killer hangover_  
_Hope it was worth all this pain_  
_(I'd do it all over again)_  
_By the time the party was over_  
_Tequila was my claim to fame_  
_(I couldn't remember my name)_

 

Blissful oblivion all too quickly gave way to painful consciousness as Maggie's eyes fluttered open. Immediately she clamped them shut once more, but the damage had been done. She was awake and all too aware of her body's current state. Fuck me, she thought resentfully.

Everything hurt. From a pounding behind her green eyes to the aching of overused feet. All the stuff in-between just felt pleasantly sore. Confused, her mind tried to think back to what could have happened. An answer came in the fuzzy memory of a full bottle of Tequila held tightly in her grasp some time last night. Focusing back on this morning, Maggie reluctantly opened one eye to a shadowy room that seemed vacant and unfamiliar at first glance. On the second look around she spotted the shape of a very empty bottle lying several feet away. Fuck me sideways. Apparently, last night was a drunken mess that had doomed her to this morning of misery.

Now why the hell would I do something stupid like that? Drinking is one thing, but I thought I learned my lesson about the evils of Tequila back in college. Groaning softly, she sat up and tried to focus better but the headache made that far from easy. The sound of a worn out air conditioner wasn't helping either. With another pained grown, she laid herself back down. But that only made the obnoxious noise of the overtaxed machine even louder.

Thoroughly aggravated, Maggie lifted her hand to brush disheveled blonde hair back from her face. The action didn't make seeing any easier but it at least assured her that she was still able to move. It also brought to her attention the metal contraption she'd been sleeping on. And just when I thought waking up on top of my roommate was the weirdest thing I could have drunkenly passed out on, she reflected.

Reaching out, she tentatively began running nimble fingers along the unconventional bed. Maggie couldn't help but notice the intricate grooves of the sleek metal surface. Especially since touching it brought back several more hazy memories and the ghost of a delightful sensation. Feeling more relaxed and exceedingly curious, she tried opening both eyes again.

The room was still dim, but now that she was prepared for it everything looked a lot clearer. Though the effort still didn't shed too much light on her current predicament. In fact, things got a whole lot more complicated when she noticed an all too familiar shirt and skirt combo strewn across the floor. Maggie didn't need to look down at herself to realize who those belonged to. I'm naked! Why the fuck am I naked? Instinctively, shaky hands came up to cover herself but another quick survey of the empty room proved that to be a wasted effort. Then she glanced down at the machine she was perched atop.

It looked both familiar and alien at the same time. The metal plating was complex without being jumbled and made a surprisingly comfortable seat. Even in the low light she could tell it was a brilliant electric blue. Maggie couldn't help but think that the color looked much more suited to a sports car's paint job then some industrial air conditioner. Absentmindedly, her fingers trailed along a seam only to pause at one of the vents. While the warm draft of air released from it felt wonderful, it also brought about even more questions. Why would someone have set this thing to hot? That's when she began to suspect that her first impression was definitely off. More curious than ever, she pushed herself up to get a better look at the contraption.

Maggie stared uncomprehendingly at the two glowing blue lenses shining back at her. There was something so alive and expressive about the mechanical movements of its intricate parts. The way they whirled and adjusted reminded her of a camera preparing to take a picture. She then noticed the metal casing they were contained in and all too quickly realized what she was actually looking at. What the fuck?

Completely taken off guard, she began wracking her brain to try and figure out what the hell happened last night. But nothing she could remember clearly was adding up to… to this! And it wasn't enough that she woke up from a drunken bender on top of a giant alien robot. Oh no. To top it all off, Maggie didn't even know its name. She was at least able to tell he was an Autobot, which brought about some measure of relief. Especially when she considered the alternative. Yup, Maggie tried to think optimistically, waking up naked on top of a Decepticon is probably the only thing that could've made this any more discouraging.

Her brow furrowed as she tried to place this particular Autobot. It was hard to be sure but if she had to guess, she'd say it was probably the robotic equivalent of a guy. There was just something masculine about him. Facially, the plating didn't look as human as some of the other bots. It was very angular with these weird metal horns along his head that swept back and gave him the overall impression of being rather aerodynamic. The design made sense when she considered how fast most of these aliens moved. What might have been a mouth extended downwards into this weird looking chin that vaguely resembled facial hair with the way it framed the lower half of his metallic features. His eyes were giving off a brilliant azure glow that she had trouble not getting a little lost in. The overall effect somehow worked well with the electric blue that colored most of his body. For whatever reason, that hard metal meant for battle caused her heart to beat just a little faster in her chest. His was a body she couldn't help but feel like she knew rather intimately. A body she was still precariously perched on top of.

Pushing herself up slowly, Maggie looked over the mech's frame and tried to decide how best to get down. It looked easy enough since he wasn't nearly as large as some of the other Autobots. Someone like Optimus would have posed much more of a problem. Even still, she didn't want to slip off and hurt herself. Or worse, piss him off. He was already giving her the distinct impression that she wasn't exactly what he was used to waking up next to either. Gulping nervously, she watched the way his glowing eyes were regarding her and decided that leaving was definitely a good idea about now. And of course it was at this inconvenient moment that the pounding in her head eased up enough to start wondering a few things besides getting the hell out of here. For instance, what if when she was climbing down she grabbed a hold of something sensitive and freaked him out? She knew their metal plated skin was shielding, but what about all those nooks and crannies in between? She'd need to slip her hands in at least a few of them on her way down. And what if she was already touching something like that now?

The idea of actually asking him for help came to mind but was forgotten as a cooler breeze from the mech's vents enveloped her skin. It served as an alarming reminder to her current lack of clothing in the presence of a guy. A nervous blush brusquely swept across her face while goose bumps rose up along trembling arms. Why am I getting so damn flustered? He may be sentient but he's still a machine. I've been naked around my hairdryer plenty of times. No big deal.

Pep talk out of the way, Maggie began climbing down. It was hard not to admire the powerful body while focusing on where she was going to grip next. Especially since she still couldn't shake the feeling that she knew it a bit too well. Her hands grazed over the lustrous armor while her feet sought footholds till they reached the floor. She was pretty sure she hadn't touched anything too offending since the Autobot remained eerily quiet the entire time. Or maybe he's so quiet because I did something I really shouldn't have...

Shaking her head to clear it of that disturbing thought only brought on another headache. With a frustrated sigh, Maggie stepped back and began moving towards the rumpled pile of clothes lying a few feet away. Aside from being wrinkled and stained to hell and back, the outfit was at least still wearable. Even if her underwear were missing. She reached down to slip on the short black skirt first only to pause when she pulled it up around her knees. What the..? The light was somehow reflecting off her legs just above the skirt. Looking closer, Maggie noticed that a weird looking silver sheen was coating her inner thighs. It shimmered when the light caught it but otherwise she probably wouldn't have even noticed. Whatever it was, it didn't feel sticky or even hard. The adhesive actually reminded her of a layer of sparkles. Like the kind some girls might wear to a club or for a strip show. Abruptly Maggie slid her skirt up the rest of the way and secured it around her hips. At the same time, her mind was trying desperately not to think about whatever implications that metallic coating meant. Especially since a few memories were beginning to surface that she wasn't quite ready to face yet.

As she reached to grab her blouse and get the fuck out of there before things got any weirder, Maggie couldn't help but get that feeling she was being watched. Against her better judgment, she tentatively turned her head to the only other occupant in the room. Her tired green eyes locked onto blazing azure lenses that were intently studying her. Her ass, to be more precise. The thought that maybe he was checking her out was immediately dismissed as she was way too confused by the very idea to feel flattered or outraged. On an impulse, she leaned back and glanced down to see exactly what was so damn fascinating about her butt to a robot. Especially since she was pretty sure these types of aliens haven't tried to probe anyone. Yet, her imagination added without humor.

Maggie looked down at her butt, only to find something staring back at her. She couldn't believe it at first, but there was really no denying that all too familiar shape. It was all over the NEST base, some of her documents at work, and on every good-guy robot that wandered in from outer space. Oh my God, I woke up with an Autobot tattoo!

Desperately needing somewhere else to look, anywhere but at that brand, which surprisingly didn't hurt, Maggie glanced up at the Autobot. He was just sitting a few feet from her, motionless. If it weren't for the glowing mechanical eyes she'd have wondered if he was even awake at all. Though as far as she could tell, he was probably deep in thought. As alien as his appearance was, she felt like she knew what each shift of his metal features meant.

Before she was too tempted to open her mouth and actually try talking to the mech, Maggie abruptly threw on her shirt and made for the only door in the storage room. This has to be, by far, the most bizarre walk of shame ever, she decided while stepping through the fumbling with the garment, Maggie struggled to remember exactly what the fuck she did last night. Well, besides that giant alien robot.

 

_Oh my god! Oh my god!_  
_It's the Sunday morning after, and baby who the hell are you?_

8-8-8-8

 

_My alter ego took over_

_And took me on a fantasy ride_

_(Took me on a ride)_

_You can take me anywhere twice_

_But the second time will be to apologize_

Jolt's optics flickered on briefly before he chose to disable them instead. Viewing his surroundings through static-lined vision caused unnecessary stress on his processor. To compensate for the lack of a visual, the rest of his systems were initiated. Though he might as well have disengaged them considering how terribly they were lagging. Why do I have so many errors, he pondered.

Nothing seemed to be operating at any semblance of an acceptable level. Running a quick diagnostic, the blue mech linked the abnormalities to traces of highgrade in his tanks. Typically Jolt had always refrained from consuming such a potent form of energon. While it provided more than adequate sustenance, highgrade also came with undesirable side effects. Particularly if consumed in excess. And according to these readings I have had more than just my fill of the substance. Now if only he could locate the memory file detailing a report on how he achieved such a compromised state.

What compelled me to act so uncharacteristically foolish? This in no way coincides with my basic behavioral patterns and core programming. Well, at least not in matters regarding the use of intoxicants. Even the very thought of moving caused his ventilations to hitch in protest. Apparently his internal workings were still overheated, even after recharging. Jolt's audio input mechanism also seemed to be glitching since there was this incessant wet grating sound that made concentrating rather difficult.

Agitated, he trained his sensors on the noise and was alarmed to find that it originated from somewhere atop his chassis. No more information on the matter would adequately process, so he focused on clearing his mainframe of fragmented files. While he did so, more sounds and now movement were detected from the unknown object atop him. This is highly unprecedented, Jolt griped internally.

The movements continued, now resembling a light probe while coasting along his armor plating. It was a familiar sensation yet he could not place having experienced anything like it before. Now more fascinated then perturbed, the blue mech attempted to activate his optics once more.

While the lighting was faint, it still accommodated his faulty visual sensors considerably. First, the blue mech determined the layout of the room he currently occupied. It corresponded with recognizable schematics, confirming that he was within the confines of the Autobot's base. A storage room… what compelled me to recharge here?Acting on an impulse, Jolt ran another scan which informed him that no other Cybertronian was in the vicinity. Content that he was not in a completely compromised position, he finally focused on the curiosity located on top of his frame.

The Autobot was not exactly sure what he was perceiving. The shape was definitely familiar, though still too pixilated for him to be certain of anything more specific. He considered reaching out to touch it. Utilizing those receptors might provide the extra data necessary to determine what it was. Just as he was about to act on the inclination, the feel of a carbon-based touch trailed along a cooling vent. Jolt could not help but emit a rush of air at the gentle sensation.I am certain I experienced something agreeably similar to this before, but when?He suddenly located a memory file that had not been accessible a nanoclick ago. Before he could even open it, the unknown silhouette moved into his visual range. As more systems came back on line, the images around him became clearer.

Adjusting his optics accordingly, Jolt found himself staring into two predominately white orbs containing a green ring. At the center of each, a black hole seemed to be gazing back at him. He could not place having observed anything quite like it before. Zooming out to better visualize the image, he was taken aback by the sight of a human face looming just above his metallic one. This is rather...unexpected.

His mainframe attempted to connect a plausible sequence of events that might have led to this most alarming happenstance yet no discernable data sequence computed to this. All accessible data proved to be either corrupted or inconclusive. It was then he became aware of another mitigating fact. Jolt was not privy to this human's designation. His access to the base's facial recognition system was not even responding, along with several other programs that would have assisted him in classifying her. Though if they had been functioning adequately to begin with I would not have found myself in this predicament, he concluded irritably.

Deciding that some semblance of identification was required; Jolt began to take in the human's appearance manually. The first conclusion he was able to make identified it as a female of the species. Like most organics, her features were soft with varying amounts of dead skin cells protruding from her malleable external covering. The build of her musculoskeletal structure beneath hinted at a fairly athletic frame for this species. Her helm contained a thick mass of interwoven tendrils that looked quite disheveled. Pausing briefly in his analysis, Jolt could not dismiss the inclination that he was somehow responsible for that unkempt state. While her optics did not glow, they still seemed to radiate life and vitality in their green gaze. Overall her coloring was light which made identifying her ethnic origins exceedingly difficult to narrow down considering how common and widespread 'Caucasians' are. He repressed a rev of agitation at not being able to definitively place her anywhere based on that accessible information. Especially since there was something so familiar about this human and the way she pressed against his chassis.

A circuit in his mainframe began radiating signals at the thought but he disregarded it when his sensors detected her moving again. Adjusting his focus, Jolt determined that she was attempting to dislodge herself voluntarily. This would leave him to scan, defragment, and overall repair his central processing unit in peace without such a niggling distraction. Knowing this was more than a relief, since the last thing he needed was to further stress his systems by attempting to converse with the human. Even when fully functional, lowering his processing speed to communicate with the barely sentient organics of this planet was tiring. Now that his CPU was compensating for detrimental aftereffects courtesy of a high-grade induced stupor the prospect was disconcerting, at best. Not only would the interaction stress his already compromised relays, but waste valuable time needed to repair what he could before Optimus Prime, or worse, Ratchet, discovered his condition. Vented relief cooled his overcharged circuits at knowing he would not have to directly communicate with the organic curiosity for now.

He was distracted from his conceited musings by an abrupt physiological change in the human. Her vital signs began to indicate a level of stress while the texture and coloring of her external covering altered intriguingly. Jolt once again resisted the urge to reach out and manually evaluate her condition at. After all, he assured himself. I will have the opportunity to properly assess my memory banks and her when my systems are running at an optimal level.

Priorities now firmly established, Jolt averted his optics from the human's slight form as she began her decent to the floor of the storage room. Yet even without visual confirmation he could not help but get a charge out of the way she continued to brush against him. Perturbed by the very idea, the mech muted his vocalizer to silence his excited systems. It was alarming enough that she was getting such a reaction out of him; he did not need to alert the human to his internal response to her stimuli as well. I must be in need of more repairs then I had previously determined…

Keeping his gaze fixed blankly on the ceiling, Jolt distracted himself with a more thorough scan of his own physical state. It was more to keep from watching her since initiating another scan was only going to review what he already knew: every system was in disarray and in need of priority reconfiguration. The internal repairs alone would take long enough to sort through without her confounding his already lagging processes. On the subject of distractions... Jolt paused on an especially peculiar notice that flashed before his HUD. It declared that an unknown substance had been detected on his frame. Perplexed, he accessed the readings to find that the compound was organic in nature. The blue mech was well aware that humans were known to leak and shed their waste all over. That he now experienced the phenomenon personally caused his tanks to churn in disgust. Deciding that he would culture it later and put it out of his mainframe for now, Jolt rotated his helm to glare at the cause of his strife. Yet the effort to shape his features into an expression of displeasure was wasted as the sight of a familiar red emblem caused his optic guards to narrow and relays to respond erratically instead.

Uncomprehendingly, he gawked at the Autobot sigil located just above the curve of the human's stabilizing limbs. That insignia was meant for soldiers, fighting for a cause that he had devoted his life to so very long ago. To see such a noble symbol adorning her undeserving flesh was a disgrace. Before he could vocalize such indignation, Jolt abruptly felt his optics brighten when a memory file surfaced in answer to his silent questions. From his perspective, the video clip depicted the blue mech's very own servos carving the symbol of his faction into this human's organic covering. And by her goading, no less! In abject horror he wondered,Vector Sigma… what pit-spawned virus infected me to do such a thing?

What was left working of his processors reeled at the implications this presented. Statistics and diagrams flared up in his HUD while a glitching internal chronometer attempted to piece together a viable sequence from the last known time of proper functioning. By Primus, what else could have transpired during such a lapse?!

Jolt switched his attention to the human, only to find that she too appeared rather taken aback by the Autobot insignia as well. At least he presumed so since her current facial expression was rather difficult for him to accurately gauge while being so impaired. The fact that he even had an interest in determining her emotional state struck him more than anything he had observed since booting up. Somewhere in his jumbled CPU, he knew this being quite well. There were too many fragmented folders containing lines of code pertaining to her for him not to.

Ignoring her fleeing form, Jolt frantically continued searching through fragmented files while a small section of his HUD projected displeasure at the sound of the human's retreating footfalls. There had to be a logical explanation for this,he reassured himself. Aside from what I hope has not actually transpired with that small, organic femme.

 

_Exactly where am I now, baby_

_Wake up and tell me your name_

_(Excuse me)_

_Cause this is insane_

_(Insane)_


	2. The Saturday Night Before

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Characterization gets tricky with the more obscure and less developed cast. But then, that's what makes them more flexible to work with. I like to think Maggie came out alright considering what I had to work with. Jolt was tougher since he never spoke and no informational source was particularly descriptive (a few just made him sound like a blatant Sideswipe rip-off). So he's basically developed from scrap and the Titan comics (and frankly I couldn't be happier with the final result).
> 
> The song here serves as the basic outline for a much more linear plot then chapter one's. Also, the duet just worked so damn well (in an atrocious sort of way).
> 
> Disclaimer: Just borrowing since all recognizable characters and music legally belong to their respective owners.
> 
> Related Music: Lady Antabellum - Lookin' For a Good Time

_Girl you're beautiful_  
_You're bout near perfect_  
_But I bet somebody's already told you that_  
_Name your poison_  
_Name your passion_  
_Cause a [bot] like me just couldn't help but ask_

Jolt regarded the orchestrated social proceedings from the far wall of a crowded room. He would have preferred to observe from behind a reinforced viewing screen, but Optimus would have none of that. The Autobot leader insisted that his troop's attendance was vital in fortifying an amicable rapport with the sentient inhabitants. That thinly veiled order caused Jolt to wonder if following the signal to this microbial infested rock was worth being reunited with his faction. Humans were such a tiresome species to interact with on a regular basis. He did not need a celebratory gathering to reinforce his opinion.

In an attempt to sooth his foul mood Jolt reflected, _**that we finally do have something to celebrate is a rather pleasant turn of events; even if it is a shared victory that can only last for so long.**_

From his vantage point, the entire area and its occupants were easily viewed. He had to concede that the room was expansive even by his standards. Yet little thought seemed to be placed on its layout. Exits were located in peculiar places, as though the building's designer held no regard for even the most standard emergency evacuation procedures. Delicate furnishings littered the floor and blocked what should have been clear paths. If a combat situation were to occur, the tables would by no means provide suitable cover and would only serve to get in his way. They were also adorned with organic rations that did not seem capable of providing any measure of sustenance to the small creatures. Not only were these provisions frivolous in their make-up, their origins disturbed him. _**I understand exchanging energy consensually, but to actually consume another life form for fuel is grotesque,**_ he thought as a sneer pulled at his lip plating.

A too jovial voice suddenly called out, **"didn't your creator ever tell ya that if ya keep your faceplates shaped that way for too long they might not bend back?"**

Deepening his frown, Jolt shifted to see Sideswipe's approaching form. He appeared to be in positive mainframe, with an energon cube clutched tightly with one hand while the other gestured wildly in greeting.

" **It comes as no surprise that you of all mechs would utter such a juvenile claim,"** Jolt replied curtly.

Unperturbed, Sideswipe pulled up alongside his melancholy associate on wheeled feet. **"Sheesh, ya'd think we lost and were spendin' the rest of our lives under Decepticon tyranny by the look of ya. Brighten up and enjoy the party."**

In Jolt's HUD a warning flashed that instructed him to refrain from engaging his silver colleague any further. And yet, the prospect of an entertaining distraction was quite tempting. Especially given his current disposition.

" **C'mon,"** Sideswipe persisted, placing his free hand on the blue mech's shoulder strut. **"I got someone for ya to meet."**

Against his better judgment, Jolt found himself asking, **"Who?"**

" _ **Everyone!**_ **Now let's get ya out there and minglin' before all the fun ones turn in for a recharge."**

Bemused, Jolt took that moment to really analyze his colleague. Sideswipe had not acted in such manner since having landed on Earth. _**Since he became separated from his twin, Sunstreaker.**_ On several occasions he had even appeared stoic and brooding, causing Jolt to seem like the humorous one by comparison when on a battle field. Yet now the silver mech's frame was loose and his form uncharacteristically sloppy. Instead of standing still and at the ready, his wheeled stabilizers moved him forward and backwards in the manner of an impatient sparkling. His optics were the most distinct difference. They shined with an unnatural light that had a filmed over appearance.

" **You are intoxicated,"** Jolt concluded aloud.

" **And you,"** the rolling mech slurred with a grin, **"'re gonna have the best damn cycle of your life if I can help it. Now energize up,"** he declared while handing off his cube.

The blue mech rolled his optics but accepted the altered energon. He then grudgingly allowed his inebriated companion to lead him away from his station. As much as Jolt loathed the idea of mingling any more than necessary with the organics, the prospect of Sideswipe's company was intriguing. Especially considering the trouble he would certainly cause in such an over-energized state. Maybe Sideswipe's inebriated antics would even make the blue mech's recent offenses seem like forgettable misdemeanors by comparison.*

As they made their way across the room, curiosity got the better of Jolt and he asked, **"Where did you come across high-grade on this planet?"**

Sideswipe offered him up a lopsided grin. **"Wuzzat? Can't hear ya if you're not drinkin'."**

Venting a sigh in frustration, Jolt considered the contents of the cube yet all his scans came back inconclusive. Against his better judgment, he sampled the glowing pink liquid on his glossa and found the taste more than a little appealing.

" **Much better,"** Sideswipe remarked in approval.

Jolt continued to sip at the rich source of energy as he was brought before a small gathering of humans seated at one of the tables. By their apparel, he was able to identify them as a mixture of military and business personnel. The humans who were categorized as being in the more political and Intel gathering positions had a softer, more vulnerable look to them. At least when compared to the warrior class who dressed in a similar style to one another. They were also adorned in varying amounts of metal and cloth tokens depicting their ranks. It was no wonder Sideswipe chose to engage one of them with such enthusiasm. Currently a soldier of African origins, designation: USAF Master Sergeant Epps, responded to the sliver mech's jests with boisterous laughter. By the look of their escalating banter, it would not be long before they were the loudest pair in the room.

Upon ingesting even more high-grade, the blue mech could not help but grin as he watched the exchange. His spark felt so much lighter in its casing already and the room even seemed less disquieting. It was a peculiar sensation that would be disconcerting if it were not so pleasant. _**Especially since I have never been affected so quickly by such a small quantity of the substance before.**_ Pulling the cube away from his mandible, blue optics began to scan the rest of the table's occupants more thoroughly. As Jolt examined each organic he soon found his sensors focusing on one face in particular.

It was a human female clad in attire that looked neither comfortable nor practical, even by the standards of her species. Yet that was not what ensnared his attention. Rather, it was the expression her features displayed as she gazed intently at her empty glass.

While the blue mech had not been exposed to this planet's inhabitants as much as his fellow Autobots, some traits were apparently universal. In this case, it was the outward display of internal emotions. This human happened to look about as dejected as he had felt before Sideswipe intervened. At the all too familiar sight, a program file surfaced, causing him to feel compelled to change that. Instead of pausing to evaluate the atypical impulse, Jolt looked to Sideswipe and noted the amount of enjoyment he was deriving from USAF Master Sergeant Epps.

Making his way around the table towards the organic female, the blue mech consumed even more of the high-grade and then knelt down to her level. **"I do not mean to intrude upon your cognitive functions,"** he began. **"If you have a click to spare might I inquire after your physiological status?"**

_8-8-8-8_

_Keep on talking to me baby_  
_I'm hanging on your every word_  
_Keep those drinks a coming maybe_  
_We'll both get what we deserve_

"Huh?" Startled upon being addressed, especially in such a weird way, Maggie sat up straighter and plastered on a friendly smile. It was embarrassing to be caught off guard like that, but then she hadn't expected to catch anyone's attention this evening. Not that she wasn't dressed to impress. It's just that there were so few actually worth impressing in her line of work. Having to professionally, let alone socially deal with people that were not mentally at her level, intimidated by her looks or both gave her this unbearable sense of ennui. But it wasn't like the evening could get worse then her imagination was already making it out to be. So deciding that at this point any distraction would be an improvement over her own brooding thoughts, she turned to face her caller. But an overly polite greeting caught in her throat as she locked eyes with inquiring blue lenses.

_When did the giant robot get here and why the hell didn't I notice it till now,_ her mind struggled to understand. Somehow, Maggie had become the focus of one of the room's alien visitors. Surprised, confused and intrigued all at once, she gazed back at the Autobot. This was the sort of encounter she'd been looking forward to. Ever since discovering exactly who was behind that hacking signal she decoded for the Secretary of Defense a few years ago. _To actually communicate on a social level with the equivalent of a sentient computer. Someone that could process and analyze information with its very thoughts,_ she reflected with a hint of wonder. _Maybe this night won't be a total waste after all._

Somewhat regaining her ability to properly articulate, Maggie asked, "Hi. Sorry, um, but I didn't quite catch that. Would you mind repeating it?"

The blue mech's face plating shifted as he turned away from her and then quickly back again. Perplexed, Maggie was about to repeat herself when he spoke.

" **I apologize if I am interrupting your thoughts. But if you have the time I am curious to know how you are fairing?"**

"Oh, I'm fine. Thanks for asking." After an awkward pause she added, "How…are you doing?"

" **I am functioning at an acceptable level, given the current circumstances."** His optics flicked several times before adding, **"Jolt is my designation. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Margret Madsen."**

It wasn't too mind-blowing that a creature with the ability to hack into Earth's most confidential files knew her name. But even if he was a superior alien being, she couldn't resist the urge to correct the common mistake. "It's Maggie, not Margret. Even says so on my birth certificate."

" **So it does,"** Jolt acknowledged almost condescendingly. He then leaned over her table and retrieved an empty glass that had been sitting in front of her. With surprising care for someone his size, he selected a bottle of wine and poured it. **"I understand that the word, 'fine' is often used by the females of your species to indicate that they are anything but while still complying with societal norms in regards to exchanging pleasantries."** He held out the very full wine glass to her. **"Might I offer a substance that may alter your current disposition to one that is genuinely amicable?"**

Her eaves dropping boss and several coworkers seated near her were barely holding back snickers upon hearing that. Before she could decide whether to be charmingly amused or completely offended, a loud clang was heard at the other end of her table. From the corner of her eye, Maggie could see that the silver mech standing near Epps must have slammed a hand against his metal forehead. The action didn't even seem to faze the blue Autobot whose swirling optics were locked onto her almost analytically.

_Damn this is surreal,_ she thought while politely accepting her drink from Jolt. She then watched as he brought a cube with a glowing pink liquid to metal lips and drank a sizable portion.

When Jolt had emptied the contents, he looked to Maggie and then to her still full glass expectantly **. "My audios would better process your verbal output if you were to consume that alcoholic beverage."**

Just as he finished speaking, a vented hiss followed by a grinding noise was emitted from the second Autobot. This time Jolt responded by issuing a series of low, static laced beeps with one quick click at the end to his silver ally. This mechanical banter continued while the rest of the table was left in silent confusion.

For her part, Maggie was so enamored by the exchange she couldn't find it in her heart to feel insulted by whatever the hell the blue mech had attempted to convey to her. Grinning like an excited school girl, she took a deep drought of the wine. _This is so much better than just listening in with headphones and watching monitors,_ she decided.

Abruptly, Jolt's head seemed to perk up and he turned back to face her. There was now an unmistakable air of smugness about his frame. **"Now that is a vast improvement,"** he stated matter-of-factually.

Deciding to stick with his theme of good-natured small talk, Maggie asked, "So… what do you do?"

The plating that made up his face scrunched again. **"Do?"**

"You know, with the Autobots. What's your job?"

The light behind his lenses brightened up considerably at her clarification. **"I function as a warrior in our ranks with field-medic programming as well."**

Maggie just took another sip and nodded politely, waiting to see if he would continue the established pattern.

As expected, Jolt's optics did that flicker thing again. Then he asked, **"what position do you hold within the organic hierarchy?"**

Awarding herself a mental point for being able to anticipate an alien's responses and reactions so quickly, she replied, "Mainly I work as a computer analyst for the Rand Corporation. But every so often, I assist NEST, too. Hence why I got added to your exclusive guest list this evening."

" **Ah, yes. Apparently this would also be the longest period of time that you have maintained a position within any organization."**

"So why did you bother asking?"

Jolt looked about as taken aback as a robot could given his inhuman features.

Maggie held back a giggle as she pressed, "Why are you asking questions you obviously know the answers to?"

A soft whirling sounded from his frame as he turned from her to the silver Autobot and back again. This time she watched the other mech shrug comically before focusing his attention back on Epps.

Holding back a giggle, Maggie let out a false sigh of frustration and once again clarified for him. "Why don't you ask me something you actually want to know instead of just commenting on things you can look up yourself?"

Jolt's optics lit up, seemingly struck dumb by the novel suggestion. But to her surprise he then asked, **"what was the source of that expression your features were contorted into before I took it upon myself to intervene?"**

Finishing off her glass of wine, she abruptly stood up from the table and began making her way to the closest exit. When Jolt made no move to follow, she called out over her shoulder, "well? Do you want to know or not?"

A triumphant grin spread across her face when she heard his systems let out a hiss and then follow after her in near silent pursuit. Before leaving the room she was sure to grab another drink off the tray of a passing waiter. _I'll be needing this if I'm going to blog about my feelings to living webcam._

_8-8-8-8_

_How bout baby_  
_We make a promise_  
_To not promise anything more than one night_  
_Complicated situations_  
_Only get worse in the morning light_  
_Hey I'm just lookin' for a good time_

It was a curious sight for those that noted the departure of Maggie Madsen being trailed out the door by a terribly out-of-sorts Autobot. The confident sway of her hips was a stark contrast to the slightly off kilter stride of Jolt.

Sideswipe could only nod in baffled approval as the pair disappeared from sight. But that was not before he managed to hand off one more of his special cubes with a gesture of encouragement to Jolt. The silver mech certainly had a knack for livening up a party, even if he wasn't directly stealing the spotlight. Epps found himself agreeing and admitted that he had indeed lost their bet. As per their agreement, the soldier would make it his mission to keep tabs on what transpired between the unlikely pair.

Two tables over, Will and Sarah Lennox looked on with mixed expressions. The Major's face remained stoic as he conversed with one of his more reliable government contacts. But upon closer inspection, his eyes appeared to be grinning with barely contained mirth. Seated beside him, his wife sipped at her glass of wine to hide a contemplative smile. Even with the addition of their new extraterrestrial friends these formal dinners somehow managed to remain rather dull. So Sarah took advantage of this distraction like she would a daytime soap while folding laundry. After discreetly speaking with several of the serving staff, assortments of mixed cocktails were steadily brought out for Miss Madsen. Just because she was a responsible mother and loyal wife didn't mean she couldn't live a little vicariously through the younger woman.

Ironhide had spent the majority of the evening positioned behind Major Lennox while ingesting his Ratchet approved high-grade ration quietly. His systems, which usually emitted at the very least a low hum, ran silently as he surveyed the scene. It was a marvel they had managed to drag Jolt's tight-piped aft in here this evening at all. Especially since the young bot was more than a little adamant about having nothing to do with unnecessary assignments outside his line of duty. So seeing the blue mech departing in the company of a human was more than a little unexpected. Noticing that none of the other bots present seemed to have detected this, Ironhide made sure to send Ratchet a brief data packet to keep the CMO informed. The black mech also encrypted his suspicion as to who to blame if anything goes awry as a result. While Jolt had caused more than his fair share of trouble as of late, Sideswipe was never to be counted out. Especially considering the oddly flashing cubes that silver menace had been trying to distribute amongst the Cybertronian troops since the gathering began.

Though his battle mask was retracted, Optimus Prime's expressive features remained neutral as he stood at the head of the room. The gathering appeared to be a success, with his human allies and fellow Autobots interacting easily despite their differences. Even his most reluctant recruit, Jolt, finally appeared to be coming around to this charming, young species.

Optimus could never have anticipated just how well human relations would progress that solar cycle.

_8-8-8-8_

_Been a long hard week doing this nine to five_

_And you're just the girl to get that off my mind_

_You shouldn't 've worn that dress_   
_You shouldn't dance like that_   
_You got this little [spark] of mine in overdrive_

Even with his chronometer not fully up to par, Jolt was still more then capable of ascertaining that a surprisingly large amount of time had transpired. The lag in that mechanism could easily be traced back to the high-grade coursing though his systems. Yet the surprise he felt was tied to the fascinating organic seated before him. The fact that he found himself positively enamored by the creature was baffling, to say the least. One message in his HUD had flared up to suggest that he was merely overly influenced by Sideswipe's peculiar brand of energon and that, under normal circumstances, this would never have occurred. And yet, he could not find it in his spark to fully believe that.

He was yet again distracted from his external conversation when his communication receiver blipped with, **::so how's it going, Casamecha? You two still gettin' cozy out there or what?::**

Jolt barely stopped himself from answering aloud while still in the middle of actively engaging Maggie. He took care to finish his sentence to her before acknowledging Sideswipe's message. **::My interaction with the human would continue to progress smoothly if I were allowed to focus uninterrupted.::**

**::Oh, I see how it is,::** Sideswipe announced dramatically over their connection. : **:Use me to get a date and then lose me once she bats those flimsy visual coverings at ya. Whatever happened to plugs before ports?::**

**::Sideswipe, you know very well that I-::**

**::Yeah I know by human standards she's considered totally femme fabulous,::** he continued. **"But that doesn't mean-::**

**::This is not the time for such petty disputes,::** Jolt abruptly sent back in frustration. **::She might be onto something with this concept of hers, and I am having a difficult enough time analyzing it without your interference.::**

There was a burst of angry static before the line went dead.

The blue mech was grateful for Sideswipe's assistance earlier. Yet the majority of advice he sent proved to be counterproductive at best. Refraining from cycling a sigh through his vents, Jolt said aloud, **"I apologize Maggie, but I had not caught the end of your last statement. Would you mind repeating it?"**

Her eyes rounded their little sockets before her accented voice answered, "only if tall, silver and nosy promises not to interrupt again."

The blue mech's processor whirled as he asked, **"How were you able to detect those transmissions? I had been led to believe that organics lacked any internal software for espionage."**

Her voice practically bubbled with jubilation before stating, "it's not like you guys were being subtle about your not-so-secret instant messenger system. Even without my equipment I could pick up on it." She then took a sip of her current beverage before setting it down next to several still full containers.

Jolt shifted uncomfortably on his stabilizing servos, once again at a loss for where to take their conversation. _**Maggie appears to be enjoying my company thus far. When compared to the files I downloaded in regards to human body language, she is exhibiting active interest of the positive variety.**_ Even still, he was unsure how to maintain that temperament on her much longer. His primariy objective had been completed, so maybe it was time for him to withdraw. Yet he felt compelled to continue interacting with her. He just was unsure what topic to cover next. She already proved to have little interest in near all the areas Sideswipe had suggested they converse about.

So engaged with his thoughts, Jolt nearly overlooked that a signal began hailing for his attention. Sensors were informing him that a light pressure had been detected on the plating of his thigh. Focusing his slightly askew optics, he found that Maggie not only moved closer but had initiated physical contact with him.

"Don't be like that," she said with a slightly heavier accent to her words. "Just because I'm not interested in whose wearing what designer on Sex in the City doesn't mean we can't talk about more interesting things. Like, oh say... if there's any way to duplicate that program you use to hack our systems so maybe I can get a copy."

Her hand was rotating clockwise in what he discovered to be a soothing gesture, meant to provide comfort. That he achieved such a response from a member of this species elated him in a scientific sense. Yet the implication behind her words gave his central processing unit a start. _**Am I so far under the high-grade's influence that I am verbalizing my deliberations?**_

"It definitely sounds that way."

Lifting the cube, Jolt glared at what little remained of the altered energon odiously.

"Hey now," Maggie scolded. The hand she had resting on his thigh was now tracing a seam between his armor plating. "Don't go blaming the drink just cause you couldn't handle it."

" **I am doing no such thing as that would be highly illogical on numerous levels."**

"Then stop glaring at it like you're going to shoot lazer beams out your eyes." She then paused thoughtfully before adding, "which, in your case, might actually happen."

Jolt lowered the cube before directing his gaze to her. **"I should have you know that I am well aware that little is to be gained by faulting a substance over the individual that synthesized such a compound. Let alone taking offensive action against it. Also, I am more than capable of filtering and utilizing a source of energy."**

"Sure thing. You just keep playing that track on repeat if it'll help you sleep at night."

With a rev of his systems, Jolt downed the remainder of his cube before disregarding it entirely.

"Oh yeah, you sure showed it."

The Autobot gave another displeased rumble before saying, **"your statements would have far more merit if it were supported by tangible evidence."**

Maggie was nearly leaning against his stabilizing servo as she asked, "How's that?"

With a wave of his hand, he indicated her collection of full glasses that had been steadily brought out. **"You have barely consumed a fraction of the amount my tank currently contains."**

She released the human equivalent of a scoff. "Now you're being ridiculous. That tank of yours is probably bigger then I am." Her second hand slowly came up to join the first in its exploration of his knee joint.

" **That makes little difference when ratio and proportions are executed,"** he pointed out haughtily.

Watching the realization reshape her face was almost as amusing as her next action. Pushing away from him with a hard exhale of air, Maggie reached for the beverages. Downing one after the other, the small being then staggered back to him after completing her mission.

"There," she cried exultantly. "All gone and you're still more gone then me. Ha!"

" **That is highly doubtful."**

"Really, huh?"

" **Most certainly."**

Seeing Maggie lean back almost enough to topple over, Jolt offered her his hand. She took hold of a digit willingly to maintain her balance before saying, "now you've gone and challenged me. Big mistake."

" **It is an understandable one. I do not fault you in the least for making it, considering the lack of experience your exceptionally short lifespan grants you."**

She released another intoxicating vocal blend of joy and amusement at that. "You're too much, you know that?"

Running a metal thumb over her hand, the blue mech found himself saying, **"and you are quite clearly far more than your stature could ever depict you of being."**

Her face flushed, leading Jolt to speculate what in his statement had caused such an intriguing physiological response. Either way, evaluating it further would only be counterproductive to his initial goal. If she became in any way distressed the effort he put forth would have been for naught. Deciding to backtrack the conversation to a point where she exhibited the highest level of elation he asked, **"How do you propose we determine which of us has the lowest tolerance for our intoxicating energy sources?"**

Maggie's features continued to exhibit that same red hue while becoming determined. "No idea. But I'm sure we'll figure something out as we go."

Even after sharing a dialogue with her for so long, the prospective of continuing to do so excited him. Gently pushing off the wall he had been leaning on; Jolt proceeded to lead her away from the building, towards a less populated sector of the base.

_**No, I am most certainly not bored in the slightest.** _

_8-8-8-8_

_I sure love this conversation_  
_The band is good, the music's loud_  
_But would you get the wrong impression_  
_If I called us a cab right now?_

Its just like being back at college. Only the event she was leaving had been a formal business dinner, not a frat party. Also the guy escorting her wasn't her type, let alone her species. _And come to think of it, instead of being lead to his car he's taking me to a place where he can become his car._

A hiccup abruptly bubbled up, but thankfully everything else stayed down. Not that she was feeling sick or anything. The night was far too young for that. But it would be her luck to upchuck right before attempting to prove her superior alcohol tolerating skills. After all, Jolt only had two cubes and he was already swerving.

Struck by a rather large road bump in their plans, she piped up, "hey Jolt?"

He had that more-far-off-than-usual look in his mechanical eyes, but something in his chest hummed at her in acknowledgment.

"Who'll be driving?"

The Autobot stopped short at that before turning to look down at her with glazed over lenses. **"I had thought that would be obvious."**

"But you're drunk," Maggie pointed out.

Jolt made a muffled whirring sound before saying, **"I have an adequate handle on my systems to perform something as rudimentary as operating the programming required to control my alternate vehicle mode on this planet."**

"Oh really?" She gestured to the side of a building he'd been holding onto while walking with her. Where the paint wasn't completely scraped off, the paneling was horribly dented and disfigured. "I didn't realize redecorating the base was part of your idea for showing a girl a good time. Did your silver buddy send you that bright idea, too?"

After looking to his side at a misshapen wall, the plating around Jolt's eyes narrowed. **"You are hardly one to criticizes. Especially considering the fact that you are currently relying on my assistance to maintain a bipedal orientation."**

"Maybe I just like holding your hand." He was actually right, but that didn't mean she'd to admit it. Especially since he gave her an idea. "Hey, how's about that be our challenge?"

The dumbfounded look he wore had her holding back a tirade of tipsy giggles.

"Whichever one of us drives you the best," she explained, "gets declared the heavyweight champion. Opposed to the lightweight loser."

Jolt's lenses flickered several times before an air of reluctance seemed to fall on him. **"I suppose I can relinquish control and allow you to operate me. If only to prove how absurd the notion that I am less cognitively impaired then an organic is."**

From the way he spoke, Maggie got the distinct impression that she was probably the first person to ever ride inside of him. _Oh wow_ , she thought to herself, _guess this means I'm totally taking his driving virginity._

With a silly grin she watched as Jolt made sure she seemed steady before stepping back from her. As he leaned forward, panels came up from his sides to curve around him. At the same time the mech's knees bent and took on the appearance of a back bumper. Before she could fully register it, a seamless blue Chevrolet Volt pulled up in front of her with an open driver's side door. **"I will compete first. That way, when it is your turn to operate me, I can make sure we are in a location that will cause the least amount of collateral damage."**

Rolling her eyes, Maggie stepped into the living machine. Once settled against the seat she ran her hands over the wheel before adjusting the mirrors for visibility. For his part, Jolt idly remained parked, as if waiting for her. "What? I thought you insisted on going first?"

The air-conditioner let out a burst of cold air before his voice rose up from all around her. **"The standard safety device will need to be utilized before we partake in this excursion."**

With a sneaky smile she pointed out, "guess you're not all that sure of yourself if you need me strapped in for this."

She felt him rumble before the driver's side belt hesitantly moved across her front to buckle in. **"Just because I have little, if any, respect for your customs and laws in no way means that I will not abide by the more justifiable regulations."**

Maggie refrained from pointing out that drunk driving was a much higher offense then getting caught without a seat-belt as he started to accelerate. Instead she commented, "and by the way, I think it's cute that even super advanced alien guys have trouble talking to girls without a wingman."

" **Sideswipe and I are not fliers,"** Jolt pointed out while picking up speed. **"though he does have an upgrade which allows for short ranged aerial capabilities when-"**

"Never mind," she cut him off. "Lets just get this party started so I can whoop your robotic butt into the next solar system.

_8-8-8-8_

_Go ahead and lie to me and pull me close_

_Tell me that you love me even if you don't_  
_The rule is don't you ever even talk about forever_

_But you never say never in life  
_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Titan magazine had a few issues where Jolt was a naughty little Sideswipe wannabe.


	3. Remember a Thing in the Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: This story started with a four chapter limit in order to tell a two day long tale of debauchery and the remembrance of committing such. Now it's looking to be a spinoff of Grease Monkeys (though you don't have to read that to follow this) and a smidge longer than anticipated. Also, I got the idea to re-work this chapter to coincide better with the first. I know it's been a while and I hope you all enjoy this update and the awful things it hints at to come hopefully soon.
> 
> Disclaimer: Just borrowing since all recognizable characters and music legally belong to their respective owners.
> 
> Related Music: Razorlight – In The Morning (Album version)

_And then last night's show was so much fun_   
_And now your sheets are dirty_   
_The streets are dirty too_   
_But you never look back over what you've done_

Hair in disarray and draped in ruffled evening wear, Maggie continued her walk of shame across the military base. Even with her head down, she noticed several sidelong stares and subdued chuckling from whatever peanut gallery she attempted to slip past. _Fuck those nosy bastards and fuck me for giving them something to gawk at._ The bright morning light was already wreaking havoc on her persistent headache; she so did not need nosy assholes grating on her nerves as well. After what felt like an eternity of embarrassment, the computer analyst finally made it to the shelter of her temporary residence while visiting the base. She was already tearing off the blouse and shimmying out of her skirt when a soft cough from across the room demanded her attention.

Alarmed green eyes locked with amused blue and Maggie felt her heart slowly begin to crawl back down her throat in relief. _It's just Mikaela_. The mechanic was perched at her desk and surrounded by some oversized alien versions of what looked like iPads. She was dressed in stylish board shorts that clashed with what might have once been a white tank-top. It looked more like a garage rag then a shirt with how overused and torn up it was. Despite the heat and early hour, Mikaela's makeup remained in place and hair done up in a half-hazard ponytail that she somehow pulled off.

"Huh," the brunette greeted with a raised brow. "Trying a new morning routine? Cause you're totally rocking the got-some-and-then-some look. Just so you know."

Maggie wouldn't dignify that with a response. Not that she had all that much dignity left to work with. She was well aware of her sorry-ass state as she kicked her discarded clothing to the wall before turning towards the bathroom. It was small but had a sweet, cozy feel with the light pastel shades and flowery scent coming from a plugged in freshener. It was a pleasant contrast to the rest of the room. The place was cluttered with machinery left in various stages of repair or dismantling. Most of which were strewn with clothing that Mikaela never got around to actually folding and putting away. That she was found in the room at all was a surprise. Lately she'd been off in one of the hangers playing with whatever Cybertronian technology she could talk her way into tinkering with. _Lucky bitch_ , Maggie thought just before she remembered how she woke up this morning and shuddered.

"But then," Mikaela continued. "I wouldn't know since I'm not usually up this early." The gleam in her eyes offset how casually her words sounded as she added, "Ratchet called me in to help him out with some kinda Med-bay crisis. Know anything about it? What with you being out and about already."

While picking her way through the clutter, Maggie tried dismissing the conversion with, "All I know for sure is that I need a shower. So if you're done in there I'll just go and take my turn." The hangover was still pounding away at her head and the last thing it needed was further encouragement.

Before she made it to the other end of the room, Mikaela had already crossed the distance between them with her impossibly long bronze legs. She gave the computer analyst a quick once over before offering the fresh towel she picked up along the way. "Well, apparently someone had a little too much fun in the doc's domain last night. And it wasn't the usual culprits. Made an awful mess of everything, along with my plans to sleep in this morning. Sure you don't have any idea who's to blame?"

Taking the towel and holding it over herself Maggie answered, "I don't even know which hanger that's in."

"You wouldn't have to if someone...drove you there." As if the pause wasn't enough, a blue eye gave a wink for good measure.

"Can't say I know what you're talking about," Maggie replied curtly.

"Oh really? Because the security feed Ratchet showed me was staring a certain cute blonde with an Australian accent. Though I could be mistaken since she was slurring an awful lot."

Obviously caught and with little defense, Maggie grudgingly confessed, "Look, I don't remember what happened last night. So yeah, I guess it could have been me. With the interrogation session out of the way, can I please go clean up now?" As she spoke, she continued making her way to the safety of a serene shower stall and the promise of cleansing warm water. The retreat only seemed to encourage Mikaela as she followed her right into the bathroom.

"Wait, seriously?"

Maggie cringed at the high pitched declaration of astonishment. "Tequila has a tendency to do that."

"Hard liquor aside, I think even I'd remember something like that! No matter how smashed I happen to get."

Green eyes narrowed as Maggie had to ask, "Something like what?"

Mikaela sidestepped the question with one of her own. "So you don't even remember getting chatted up all evening, only to duck out before dessert arrived with one of the Autobots?"

"Alright, I remember that much. He was blue and utterly ridiculous. Went by Lightning-bolt, or something."

"Jolt," Mikaela supplied cheekily.

"Yeah, Jolt. We decided to head out together but after that it's all a blur."

The mechanic was practically glowing as she offered, "Well then, allow me to fill you in a bit. Look behind you."

Maggie stared at the brunette skeptically before turning to see the mirror on the opposite wall of the bathroom. She suddenly knew what Mikaela was getting at just before spying a certain alien insignia that was making itself right at home in the small of her back. "Oh right. That."

"Are you for real? An Autobot tattoo is staring up at me from your ass and _that's_ all you have to say?"

Maggie's frown deepened as she wrapped the towel around her waist and moved to turn on the shower. "Look, all I really care about right now is washing up and getting a damn cup of coffee. I'll deal with the world and all the bullshit from beyond only after those criteria are met."

With a look that all too clearly stated their conversation was far from over, Mikaela stepped back into her bedroom. "Alright, but really. Who knew a classy girl like you could pull off a tramp stamp so well." She then promptly closed the door on Maggie's aghast face.

Depositing the towel on the sink, the analyst waited for the water to heat up before stepping in. While dallying she again caught her reflection in the mirror. She really couldn't blame Mikaela for being so hell bent on wanting to know what happened last night. _Fuck, I should hunt down that blue bastard myself and demand an explanation._ But right now, she just couldn't find it in her sore back and stiff legs to care. The more she thought about it, the more she felt as though the memories might jet out and overwhelm her. And that was not gonna happen. At least while still feeling like a hungover mess. _One brain assault at a time,_ she decided just as the steam was beginning to obscure her reflection.

With a heavy sigh, Maggie pulled back the floral curtain to step into the enveloping source of water. Even with the showerhead raining down on her, Maggie's face felt so numb she couldn't tell if it was beat red or stalk white. Needing to focus on anything but the obvious, she turned her anger on Mikaela's parting comment. _I'm not a tramp_ , she told herself defensively. _I'm far from the first, and God knows I won't be the last, girl to have a few too many drinks and make a fool of herself._ Though in all the times that came before she was with men, her own species. What did this make her now? She never really had any weird kinks or fetishes. But apparently, some twisted part of her subconscious decided there was something charming about that awkward and conceited alien. Charming enough to have her wake up stark naked on top of him.

Clamoring for a new distraction, she grabbed a luffa and began soaping up her body. The soft circular motions she scrubbed down each arm and along her chest were just the calming effect she needed. That was until she worked her way towards to her legs. Confused by the feel of her own skin, Maggie glanced down to find that creepy metal sheen still covering her inner thighs. Though now that she got a better look she couldn't help but wonder what it could possibly be before deciding that right now she really didn't need to know. Despite the water pressure and now persistent scrubbing, the chrome coating merely shined back at her mockingly. It didn't feel hard like metal and moved easily with her skin as though it were another layer. That robot definitely did this to her and the more she followed his trail up and between her legs the more her heart pounded. Now, raising her right leg and leaning forward Maggie saw past the small blond tuft only to let out a shrill cry of alarm.

There was a loud slam just before the shower curtain was thrown aside to reveal a very anxious Mikaela. "What happened?"

"This!" Maggie bolted upright to gesture between her legs frantically. "Whatever the hell _this_ is."

With a perplexed arch to her brows, Mikaela bent down to poke at Maggie's silver skin. "It doesn't feel hard or anything. What _did_ you and Jolt do after you guys fled the Med-Bay?"

"Doesn't the word 'tequila' explain anything to your fresh-out-of-high-school mindset?" Lowering her gaze Maggie absently crossed her arms. "For all I know, that fucker gave me a bionic vagina!"

Mikaela had the audacity to giggle, but after a hard look from Maggie, she took on a more neutral expression. "Look, I'm sure whatever it is will come off. And if not with water then something Ratchet has stored away."

"Fuck no," Maggie, objected harshly. "I'm not letting anymore aliens near me. Knowing my luck, I'll just come away with an astro-ass after another probing or something."

"You actually let Jolt probe you? And on the first date too? Wow, girl. You sure-"

"Get out!"

Mikaela gave her one last teasing look before sauntering out of the bathroom. This left Maggie alone with even more of a headache. Somewhere in that mental mess came the rational thought that she needed to go talk to Jolt and straighten out whatever happened between them. And the strangest thing of all was the unsettling feeling that she regretted nothing.

_In the morning_   
_You know you won't remember a thing_   
_In the morning_   
_You know it's gonna be alright_

_-8-8-8-8-_

_I wonder what I'm doing wrong_   
_Maybe I've been here too long_   
_The songs on the radio sound the same_   
_Everybody just looks the same_

Helm dented and joints creaking in protest, Jolt emerged from the storage facility and progressed towards the Autobot designated hangers. With the majority of his sensors still temporarily out of commission, he barely registered the small organic creatures scurrying by. _**Detestable primitives**_ **.** The solar light of their terrestrial cycle was interfering with his visual sensors enough; the very notion of directing them towards the lower-life forms was nauseating. Never had the simple act of progressing from point A to B seemed so tedious. The blue mech nearly compared it to the void of interstellar travel before his internal map of the base's layout pinged that his destination had been reached. He prepared to enter the wash-racks when an angry exhale of cycled air assaulted his audios.

Initially, Jolt concluded that his optics had actually blown when a painfully bright yellow shape assaulted his vision. Then he switched to infrared and could not hold back a harmonic of distress, _**Ratchet…**_ His Chief Medical Officer stood before him with thick arms crossed over his intricately grilled chassis. With face plating set in a censorious grimace, he was leaning against the wall just outside the cleaning facility.

" **This,"** the medic began with narrowed brow plating, **"is** **NOT the condition in which I would expect to discover a soldier of your caliber."**

Jolt could not even begin to formulate a response. Ratchet's words seethed with disappointment that struck him to the spark. While he was not fully aware of what his appearance depicted, the blue mech's HUD displayed a vast list of internal discrepancies. All of which could not be very flattering to the external state of his frame. Helm hung in shame; he made his way past the CMO and stepped onto the grated floor of the showers. He should not have been surprised by his superior officer's appearance. This hanger was directly across from the Med-Bay and Jolt's energy signature was not properly masked. Also, since Ratchet had begun vainly tutoring one of the humans on base, he was in his private quarters less and less. _**Not that the chosen human could appreciate the time he wasted on her,**_ Jolt judged. Then his HUD flashed a reminder of who he had spent the last cycle with and his frame hunched in resignation.

" **And yet,"** Ratchet proceeded, **"I feel as though this outcome was far more statistically possible then I initially gave it credit."** Even through the infrared spectrum, the bright flash of those blue optics was unmistakable. **"** **Especially considering who you departed with."**

Pausing before he reached one of the mech sized faucets, Jolt pivoted to consider his CMO carefully. **"** **What is it that you are implying?"** Despite the hum of several systems still attempting to right themselves, Jolt could not help but inquire after some of the elusive data missing from his memory banks.

The blue mech reflexively backed away as Ratchet lifted a lecturing finger and advanced on his new position. The CMO was apparently taking the question as an invitation to further reprimand his wayward subordinate. **"** **Only that you allowed your base programming to run rampant in my Med-Bay. Mishandling delicate equipment and earning you the privilege of correcting, and then restoring, everything to its proper working order."**

Accepting the scolding and punishment for his actions Jolt explained, **"** **I did not think-"**

" **Precisely,"** Ratchet interrupted. " **And if you had paused for an astrosecond to process your actions thoroughly,** **we would not be having this conversation.** "

" **You are still only referring to the disorder in the Medical facility, correct?"**

" **Of course not,"** the CMO answered with a hint of what Jolt could swear was amusement. " **You and your partner in crime also need to account for a rather detrimental joyride."**

Able to trace an accusation to a static-laced memory, Jolt offered **, "** **I am still rather unaware of what transgressions we have committed. Though I am more than willing to answer to all of them once my frame has been properly decontaminated** **and systems allowed time to recalibrate."** While speaking, he moved to position himself fully beneath one of the high powered water nozzles. Though even after the dismissal, Ratchet looked even less inclined to leave him be.

" **Your central processing unit has yet to recover?"**

Jolt cycled a hard sigh. **"** **Sideswipe's unique blend of refined energy will apparently have that effect."**

" **Nevertheless, we are to set an example for this young, inexperienced race. Not treat them as scrap to adorn on a whim. Despite the state of our processors."**

Jolt's optic ridges hooded over his lenses before inquiring, **"** **I take it you are referring to the insignia I inscribed on the organic femme?"**

Ratchet shifted the weight of his frame idly. " **At least you are able to ascertain that much."**

" **Hardly,"** Jolt commented stiffly. " **I recalled becoming acquainted with her. No other details are on recovered files as of yet."**

" **Her designation is Miss Madsen,"** Ratchet informed him.

" **Yes, I recall her preference to simply being designated as Maggie. Though not much else once we departed together."**

The medic actually grinned at that. **"** **I am aware of one way you might be able to defragment some of those missing files. Scan your right hand."**

Jolt hesitated briefly before reexamining the foreign compound he had already discovered earlier. The substance was neither a vital fluid nor waste product in nature as he initially assumed. But rather, it registered as the product of a human female's paraurethral glands. **"** **Ah yes,"** he acknowledged while lifting the contaminated limb distastefully. " **This."**

" **Are your processors still under the influence? Organic ejaculate is coating your armor plating and you treat it as though** _ **this**_ **is a frequent occurrence for you?"**

Jolt's faceplating reshaped into a look of distaste as he shifted to activate the pressurized flow of water that would soon rid him of the indecorous chemical. " **It is difficult enough to maintain my composure before a superior officer in my current state. I would appreciate a moment of privacy to modulate myself accordingly."**

After curtly nodding, Ratchet folded down into his alternate vehicle mode within the doorway. **"** **Understandable. Though I am still trying to form my CPU around the concept that you, of all mechs, would quite literally take it upon yourself to explore this aspect of our fellow sentient beings.** "' He then pulled out of the room, leaving Jolt alone to contemplate this new development.

The blue mech looked from the running water to his hand as though it were not a part of his frame. Could not be a part of his frame. Especially with how said frame was reacting. Instead of wrenching his tanks, Jolt felt the revving engine along with the disturbing pulse of a too satisfied spark. The thought, _**she coated me with a substance that is only secreted when an organic is brought to overload...,**_ looped several times in his HUD before he established: _**This information does not compute.**_ The implications were so provocatively preposterous that he simply jammed the data stream and suppressed every corresponding file.

Cycling a harsh exhale of steam laced air; Jolt moved his hand into the cleansing flow of water to rid him of the impurity. Noting a disturbing flash of reluctance to do so within his HUD, he shifted his thought line to coincide with another relevant topic. In particular, the blatantly amused demeanor and tone that his CMO took with him regarding the situation. _**With any other Autobot, Ratchet would have been venting obscenities between announcing vaguely coherent threats and propelling various equipment about. Yet all I received was a forced disapproving**_ _**look and a light sentence.**_ It was almost as though his superior officer did not deplore him for any potentially shameful actions that he may have engaged in with the human.

Once again disturbed with the direction his internal musing was taking, the blue mech switched his focus to the now clean hand. Scrutinizing it critically, he noticed that despite the secretion's removal, he could not rid himself of the peculiar sensation. Stepping fully into the water's spray, Jolt balked at how little he actually felt the liquid falling against his plating. Promptly running a diagnostic revealed that the majority of his sensory relays had been rewired to that hand which also contained a new transformation schematic. Initiating it, he watched as the limb took on an unidentifiable configuration. Armor plating pulled back entirely to reveal a comparatively small cylindrical shape that was ductile in consistency. Beneath its surface, he detected a multitude of his afferent wires and receptive nodes affixed throughout. Before he could finish a coherent thought on the matter, his vocal modulator was already releasing a static-laced bellow of outrage.

Jolt barely registered that Ratchet was not only by his side but once again bipedal and scanning him frantically. " **Are you suffering from a latent malfunction?"**

" **That would be a preferable alternative!"** Jolt's declaration was exemplified by his flailing of the offending appendage. " **To whatever in the Pit** _ **this**_ **could possibly be."**

Chrome optic guards pulled back as Ratchet took hold of Jolt's forearm to better inspect the inexplicably configured hand. " **Pliable and capable of immense sensory input. Fascinating how one encounter with an organic can inspire such** _ **creativity**_ **in you."**

" **Has the physiological affect of high-grade completely slipped your clinically inclined mainframe?"** Jolt shifted his stabilizing servos in agitation before removing himself from beneath the running water. " **That little organic corrupted and hijacked my systems to transform me into some semblance of a-a sex machine!"**

Ratchet openly gaffed despite the disdainful glare he was receiving from Jolt. " **Come now, I am certain that simply deleting the sequence will you rid you of potential battle-field blunders. By any chance, might Mikaela examine it before you do so?"**

" **Frag no,"** Jolt declared adamantly. " **Never again will I allow my defense to falter. Not when I run the risk** **of being reassembled into some sort of a... a-"** Jolt paused to run a brief search of the world wide web before finishing with, " **PentHouse playground."**

" **Did you access a pornographic based internet address for that analogy?"** The CMO's optics flickered as he followed that question with, **"view any images you enjoyed there? Or** **are you only fixated upon the screen-shots you have stored from last cycle?"**

" **This conversation is over!"**

Ratchet released yet another deep chortle before once again departing from the wash-wracks. This left Jolt with the perturbed impression that he would need to locate and speak with Maggie at once. Though most disconcerting of all was the distinct impression that he had thoroughly enjoyed himself.

_In the morning_   
_You know you won't remember a thing_   
_In the morning_   
_You know it's gonna be alright_


	4. Saturday Night Is Dynamite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: If you're reading this, congratulations on making it past 'vage of steel' and 'dildo hand.' You are officially ridiculous human beings for actually wanting to see what happens to these poor characters next. And for all of you who are just putting up with my sense humor for some hot and steamy mech/human action, you came to the right story. But your princess is in another chapter.
> 
> Disclaimer: Just borrowing since all recognizable characters and music legally belong to their respective owners.  
> Also, the slang used can be blamed on the bizarre nation of Australia. For your convenience, it is blatantly defined at the end of this chapter if you have difficulty understanding it in context.
> 
> Related Music: E-Rotic - Dynamite

_We - will take a ride_   
_Make you see I'm dynamite_   
_Your mind's exploding and your heart_   
_Oh baby it will fall apart_

 

"So," Maggie slurred with a far more pronounced dialect than she spoke with earlier. "Can you, you know... feel me inside you?"

" **No,"** Jolt replied utilizing his speakers. However, through the use of optical receptors within various reflective surfaces and internal scans he could easily observe her. If he chose to risk taking his focus off of the exceedingly difficult task of operating his alternate mode at the moment. He refrained from actually answering in that level of detail and instead continued on the poorly maintained road. It brought them further from the military compound and towards sections that were still in the process of being industrialized.

"Ay! Are you guys like us in that you aren't actually aware of what's going on in your... organs? Or whatever those doovalackys are for robots. What I mean is, knowin' if something out of the ordinary is happening in you? But then, right now, for you, wouldn't that be me?" Throughot her entire disconjointed sentence, the computer analyst was tugging at the protective restraint holding her against the seats.

Since departing with her, Jolt found that Maggie's speech pattern had altered curiously. Disregarding it for now he once again switched a portion of his over-energized processor to answering his passenger. **"Hardly. Before I allowed you entry, I took the liberty of re-routing the majority of my biofeedback sensory receptors."** He paused in consideration before adding, **"If you require an analogy to relate it to so that your organic based CPU can better comprehend me, consider the phenomenon of standard flatulence."**

Maggie's voice took on a rather sharp pitch that spouted an unrecognizable sequence of characters.

Jolt assumed this to be an affirmative to continue since the sound closely registered as being positive in nature. **"While I have refrained from actively perceiving you within me, the pressure of your being is still quite distinct. Yet it is neither painful nor pleasurable. Merely... there. Until you are expelled, of course. Which will pass with little notice in the grand scheme of my existence."**

Her pitch abruptly heightened while becoming intermittent with harsh exhales of air and jerking muscle convulsions. Eventually she managed to respond with a heavily accented, "Good on ya, Jolt. Ever the fucking charmer," before slowly settling back down against his seat. "But I think you're underestimating me. Sure I'm not too great at staying silent, but that doesn't detract from my _deadly_ factor."

Baffled by her reaction, Jolt reevaluated his correlation and discovered that, of all human physiologic responses, talk of gastrointestinal function was not generally taken well. Yet, once again, his human companion's reaction was one of amusement rather than offense. This proved to Jolt that Sideswipe had been exaggerating when he boasted of his immense skill to verbally woo femmes of all species. _**Or possibly just in the case of this female in particular**_. The Chevy Volt delighted in the thought that the one organic he chose to engage was indeed advanced in her mental functions and receptive to his own attempts to converse with her. He certainly had exquisite taste.

Jolt's focus was again called away from both the road and his thoughts when a pressure against his accelerator was detected. With a vexed rev of his engine, the Autobot locked the pedal in place and demanded, **"we established that I would demonstrate my superior maneuverability while intoxicated...first."**

"Oh come on, Jolt." Maggie's tone was one of exacerbation. "It's a shame for this beaut to be wasted on a yawn of a driver."

A sense of flattery sprang up to envelop his spark at her appreciation for his vehicle mode. Jolt had to suppress it in order to properly defend himself from his driver's seat passenger. **"I am merely demonstrating my aptitude in regards to the challenge you have issued."**

"Any drunk yobbo can follow a straight line if he crawls along it. Nothing impressive about that," she goaded.

" **This competition requires that I not only function adequately at the task but supersede it as well?"**

"Well, yeah. That's the point of our little bush bash. To out-do each other."

Jolt re-filed the confusing matter of her convoluted new vocabulary for later evaluation and instead regarded her slight form inside him. He briefly entertained the notion of transforming to bipedal mode at that moment. He calculated a 96.8% chance that he would be able to form his arm fast enough to catch Maggie before his cab compressed into his chassis. _**However, in my current mainframe the likelihood that she would not sustain injury during such a demonstration only amounts to 67.2%**_. Thus, he opted for another means by which to arouse interest and approval from her.

Pulling away from the paved path, Jolt progressed towards one of the locations on the Island that was still considered 'under construction'. An idea was formulating within his mainframe while he drove. For further inspiration, he accessed the planet's global information network as he came upon the disheveled grounds that would eventually become another outpost for their base of operations. Thoroughly emboldened, he pivoted his back tires 180 degrees and careened towards a series of metal beams. Still heedful of his delicate passenger, Jolt implemented a series of 'doughnuts' around the structures. He then 'popped' several 'wheelies' just before 'grinding' along a conveyer-esque track. All the while, the alluring intonation of what he now understood to be Maggie's laughter stimulated his auditory network.

While whipping around a particularly sharp turn, the Chevy Volt reconnected his sensors to more thoroughly monitor Maggie's entertaining reactions to his 'stunts'. That was when her scent crept its way into his olfactory receptors. Standing alongside and speaking with the human was one matter. Now that he contained her, the chemical array of her organic body was impossible to disregard. Instead, he indulged in its make-up and each variation that was so distinctly her. He would even go as far as to state that she might actually be more intoxicating to him than Sideswipe's unique blend of high-grade. At least in his current, already compromised state. As both components coursed through his system invitingly, Jolt found himself thoroughly captivated despite his initial inhibitions.

Distracted thus, Jolt did not allow himself enough time to properly align his wheels during a particularly reckless turn. He only just managed to avoid a cement pillar when a liquid containment unit seemed to appear on his radar from out of subspace. After veering into the structure jarringly, he initiated a brief diagnostic to check that both he and Maggie had not sustained injury from the collision. Relieved by the results, the Volt placed himself into reverse to remove his front bumper from the extensively dented paneling.

The first few jets of water that splashed against his windshield where swept away with perplexed wipers, only to be replaced by multiple profusely gushing streams from a series of openings. Without taking the time to assess the situation and determine the most beneficial course of action, Jolt's tires spun out from under him hurriedly. It was then that the gates of the Pit itself seemed to open up with a powerful incentive to devour him.

Processes clouded by panic, high-grade, and the incomprehensible instructions of a distressed human, the car was unable to escape the flow of water spreading over the ground. It slipped under his very tires as he attempted to flee, lifting him from the traction of the planet's surface to swerve along it inanely. Feeling a persistent pressure against his brake pedal, Jolt took to her direction and brought the mechanism to the floor to fully engage his breaking system. Unfortunately, that action resulted in the complete loss of control of his vehicle mode. They were now on a spinning collision course with a drainage system that had an indeterminable depth.

It has been stated that a mech's entire memory core will flash within their HUD should they perceive a justifiable sense of looming deactivation. While that may have been the case now, Jolt was far too focused on Maggie to give the file slide-show of his own life much notice.

 

_Gonna make you see tonight_   
_A flash of dynamite_

_8-8-8-8_

_Come on take me on a ride_   
_You're like dynamite_   
_I want you baby_   
_Give me some action when we fly_   
_But don't you - don't you_

 

The moment of blind panic was short lived when a deep trench came into view. Maggie snapped out of her shock to shrilly scream instructions at Jolt.

Instead of hearing an uptight voice in reply, there was an ear-piercing squeal with electronic warbles coming from his speakers. That caused her to sober up right quick and take hold of the wheel. Old driving lessons surfaced and she moved to realign his tires and pump the break. Only, when she urged him to use the pedal, he instead slammed it to the floor and frantically spun his wheel. _Oh fuck, the sentient car is freaking out more than I am_ , she realized with dread.

"Release the break!"

What he said in response was far from English and probably not very comprehensible in Cybertronian either. It didn't help that his frame was locked up and still veering towards that ditch.

"What are you waiting for? Give me control if you don't have any!"

That managed to get his attention. Darkly and with a splash of hysteria, Jolt began, " **I am attempting to analyze how best to regain traction, yet the surface tension coupled with-"**

"-Just quit the yabberin' and TRUST ME!"

She heard more than felt his frame reluctantly loosen up around her. Without a second thought, the analyst straightened out Jolt's wheel and proceeded to pump the shit out of his break as lightly as she could. In a matter of seconds, their speed decreased and she managed to steer them both from the still growing puddle towards a raised area of concrete.

Maggie couldn't help but let out an adrenaline pumped whoop of, "FIGJAM!" It was quickly followed by her throwing open the driver's side door to vomit on the muddy ground.

**"You extricated me."** His voice was so soft she almost didn't hear him over the sound of her liquid laughter.

"Us," she corrected after catching her breath. "Oh, and how's it that a bloke who turns into a car doesn'tknow how to _fucking drive_!"

Jolt was silent for a long moment while she wiped the last of the chunder from her lips. She then sat back in his seat, drained but exhilarated.

**"I am more than perfectly capable of operating within this alternate mode. It is the conditions in which I was attempting to maneuver that hampered my otherwise stellar performance."**

Maggie couldn't hold back a scoff. "What? Wet roads? Mr. Super-advanced alien fuckwit can't figure out how to stop hydroplaning?"

**"You must at least attempt to understand that I am still rather new to this planet,"** Jolt defended himself haughtily. **"Cybertron never experienced such a phenomenon. Instead, our weather patterns were far more akin to an acidic based precipitation."**

"Uhuh, guess that makes sense," she relented. Maggie got the feeling that even if the mech hung around her planet for lifetimes he'd still be a pretentious conch on their base.

Needing to lighten the mood and enjoy the remainder of their evening, she teasingly suggested, "Hey, it's not that I'm too worried about getting caught by a booze bus out back. But, since both of us aren't really fit to operate you, maybe we can find some silly duffer on patrol to drive us back in you."

Jolt's frame shuttered around her before his driver's side door opened. **"I believe I have had my** _ **fill**_ **of humans for this cycle."**

Snickering at the pun, intended or not, Maggie took the hint and exited. The sound of his transformation ended just as she turned to face the electric blue Autobot. His plating was still wet and shimmered under the naked lights of the construction yard. It was so hard not to just stare at him. Especially with how quickly he was already drying off despite the cool air. Then she noticed he was giving her the same eye treatment. Becoming slightly self-conscious, she barked out a hard, "what?"

**"I am still in the process of comprehending how such an otherwise inconsequential life form managed to redirect me from a potential crisis situation."**

"I get how you wouldn't be able to give that a burl. And you're welcome, by the way."

" **A life form whose existence is but a blip compared to mine, having little impact otherwise, and yet, within an astroclick, you alter my life so directly. It truly is daunting."**

Rolling her eyes, Maggie said, "It was my idea to hit the road after hitting the turps. Least I could do was prevent another bingle." At his still preoccupied look, she clarified with, "you know, another accident."

But he still didn't seem to be listening to her since he suddenly bent down to stare much more deeply into her eyes. " **You truly are a most remarkable being; despite the vast limitations of your species."**

She was blushing. The ridiculously conceited robot was actually making her blush at his backhanded compliment. _Guess I'm more drunk off my face then I thought._ The hiccup that thretened to bubble up was all the confirmation she needed. Brushing her blond hair back, Maggie tried to come up with a reasonable response that wouldn't make things even more awkwardly surreal.

Jolt didn't bother to wait for her as he proclaimed, " **You are to be honored... but how?"**

Not wanting to hear what he might come up with next, Maggie jumped in with, "By getting us back to base. Driving's out, so how's about carrying me?"

" **No,"** The Autobot replied as he contradicted himself by reaching out towards her. His metal hands almost shyly came around her hips as he leaned in to take her into his arms.

The idea that he was fondling her ass surfaced just as she was lifted high into the air. Maggie shot it down for its absurdity and instead pointed out, "Uh, I think you might have crossed a few wires when it comes to my language. 'No' doesn't mean 'yes.'"

Held against his chassis now, she heard him rumble what could only be a laugh. " **Transporting you in this manner is no hindrance to me. I meant that it will not be an adequate enough remuneration,"** he explained after repositioning her body to fit against his intricate chassis. " **Though while on the subject, I can say the same in regards to your own curious choice of dialect as of late."**

"Oh, that tends to happen when I get the wobbly boot. You can take the Sheila out of the outback, but I'll still lair it up with the worst of 'em." That was only partly true. She'd been tipsy with co-workers before and still managed to tone done her slang. But there was something about Jolt that made her feel like she didn't have to wear her professional persona around him. _Probably cause he acts enough like a stuck up suit for the both of us_. She could let out the Aussie and just relax. Leaning into the warm metal, Maggie marveled at how refreshingly comfortable she felt on so many levels.

There was another rumble, this one deeper and with an almost thoughtful feel to it. " **An Autobot insignia."**

Startled, she lifted her head to openly stare at him, all sense of contentment gone. "No. Fucking. Way."

" **You deserve a badge of honor. And** _ **nothing**_ **is more honorable than the symbol of my faction."**

"Strewth, I don't care how many good intentions come with it; I'm _way_ too sober to agree to a tattoo." She wasn't so much tripping over her words as she was sliding along them clumsily.

The Autobot's lenses visibly dimmed at her rejection and a hiss preceded his words. " **This is not a simple matter to decline. I am offering you the highest honor your species could ever amount to."**

"I'm so not drunk enough to give that a go." Before he could whine about that further Maggie found herself adding, "but… I'm also _not_ sober enough to turn down more grog."

Those azure lenses lit right back up, causing her heart to flutter as goose bumps sprung up despite the warmth of his frame.

" **I believe I follow your convoluted logic. If I obtain a potent enough form of ethanol for you to consume, you will become more compliant."** Jolt's rapt expression prevented her from verbally backing out now and escaping with her skin unscarred.

"Yeah," she confirmed. Meanwhile what was left of her small voice of reason silently slipped away into the back of her mind to mid its own bizzo. "Now let's head on back. The night's still a pup."

Despite his steady steps and careful hold of her, Maggie couldn't ignore the flurry of butterflies that were freaking out in her stomach. She basically just handed the guy she just met a few hours ago the keys to having his way with her. Sure, said guy was a robot and all he seemed to want was to thank her, but that was besides the point. She was actually giving into someone else's will. Yeah it was by her terms, but that hardly mattered in the grand scheme of things. Giddy and nervous at the same time, Maggie wrapped her arms as far around Jolt's neck as she could reach.

_You shoot me to the sky_

_8-8-8-8_

_Go on and look - in - to my eyes_   
_Nothing we can't legalize_   
_Baby when I blow it up_   
_We will really feel on top_

 

Continuing back towards their initial rendezvous point, Jolt readjusted his hold on Maggie for the third time. She had been intermittently fidgeting and repositioning against his shoulder plating throughout the length of their trip. The feel of her frame moving against his was rather distracting, especially when considering the unique differences between their builds. While clearly inefficient comparatively, Jolt could not discredit the versatile organic ingenuity that evolution had bestowed upon her species. Lithe of limb and quick of wit, Maggie was a prime specimen for him to associate with and not feel as though he were completely demeaning himself by doing so. He told her as much, once again eliciting that intoxicating laughter of hers as they began a new round of verbal thrusts and parries. And now that he was viewing several links to translate some of her more colorful language, the mech was able to understand a degree more than previously.

Yet despite their light banter, Maggie's obvious physical discomfort was more than apparent. Which was rather peculiar since it was by her suggestion that he transport her in this manner. Moreover, each time he sought to make her more comfortable, she would tense up further. Venting a sigh, Jolt implemented a new tactic. The fingers on the hand he held against Maggie splayed over her back. He then proceeded to move them in circular motions over the upper cloth covering in what he had processed to be a comforting gesture.

Maggie abruptly ceased describing one of her many previous employment blunders to demand, "Now what're you doing?"

" **I am implementing a series of subtle maneuvers to put you at ease, of course."**

She leaned back into his ambulatory hand to give him what could only be an affectionate look. "Such a silly bastard."

Jolt noted her decrease in respirations and the way her hand replicated his actions. However, due to her proximity it was organic fingers grazing a cable in his neck. The blue mech simply chortled. He was still beyond entertained by how she could transform a word with such derogatory connotation into a term of endearment.

Before Jolt could reassess their geographical location, they had already arrived back on base. It was late in the planetary cycle and thus relatively easy to navigate past the few sentries posted along his selected route. Once at the dining facility, he deposited Maggie on the ground and ran a scan over the back entrance for organic heat signatures. Nothing appeared to be registering. _**Aside from several error messages and a corrupt fuel warning,**_ he noted while overriding the locking mechanism with ease.

Aloud he informed, **"From what I am able to ascertain at this moment, there are no witnesses or detrimental obstacles between our position and that of the intended target."**

"Ace," Maggie replied in affirmation before disappearing into the structure.

Jolt remained outside as her sentry, initiating preliminary scans over the areas he could not observe with his optical receptors. However, it was difficult to be certain of the results his HUD presented him with. The flashing reports upon each completion were either pixilated or in a most peculiar symbolic form that bore an unsettling similarity to the Microsoft word processing font type: 'Wingdings.' Further evaluation provided little insight and left him feeling unsettled with how corrupted his systems have become. _**Courtesy of Sideswip,**_ his HUD reestablished. **"This is most disconcerting,"** the blue mech decided audibly.

"I'll say."

Jolt's protoform nearly leapt from his armor casing at the abrupt verbal intrusion. He had become accustomed to being aware of every molecule in his vicinity, no matter how insignificant. Thus, the experience of having anything approach him unexpectedly was as foreign as it was disturbing. Staggering against a now dented wall, the mech glared down at the human incredulously.

"What?" Maggie's inquiry and demeanor exuded false innocence. One hand was propped on a hip while the other held a bottle against her lips as she regarded him with bemused malachite eyes.

" **I do not appreciate the means by which you announced your presence to me."**

Her shoulders readjusted curiously before taking a sip from her newly acquired beverage. "Such a two pot screamer," she accused provokingly before taking a longer drought.

The blue mech could only balk at her audacity. It was an expression which she must have found quite riveting. At least until she sputtered so violently into her beverage that her nasal cavity sprang a leak.

" **Oh, certainly you are qualified to speak in regards to one's ability to process physiologically altering compounds,"** he pointed out facetiously.

"Fuck off," she managed to declare between coughs.

Nodding in satisfaction, Jolt shifted on his struts and began making his way towards the medical facilities housed on base. He was unable to rely on his peripheral monitoring equipment so he remained particularly vigilant while leading his companion. As he came upon the primary Autobot examination room, Jolt's vents released a rush of air upon finding it empty. In most instances, Ratchet would likely commend him for taking an opportunity to improve relations with the organics. However, in this particular case he calculated that his current means of doing such would not be approved by his superior. Thus the absence of the chartreuse medic brought relief to his spark. Especially since Jolt was currently staggering into said superior's facility. Rather indignantly, at that.

The lighting system activated upon registering his energy signature and the meticulously prepared room came into view. Maggie's surprise was indicated by her faint intake of air. Not that he could fault her for such a reaction. Even without being fully up to Ratchet's high standards, this facility was exceptionally equipped for their needs. Optimus had seen to that when his faction began establishing themselves in this location. Once the underground levels were complete, the Med-bay would likely be relocated there. That would then leave this area bare, used only for emergency and stabilizing procedure. For now the room held several medical examination structures of varying size and shapes arranged within the center. Each had its own display console and necessary appliances affixed to the ceiling above it for more efficient maintenance and extensive repair capabilities. The shelves along each wall were well on their way to becoming adequately stocked with Cybertronian modified Earth equipment. At the same time, there was also a certain drawer Jolt had become aware of recently. One that held experimental human based medical supplies.

Ever since appointing that new human apprentice of his, Ratchet had taken it upon himself to explore perfecting organic health practices. An avocation Jolt had scoffed at not long ago and criticized most adamantly to his superior. As respectfully as possible, of course. Yet now here he was, counting on such advancements for his own personal means.

With the thought that his Chief Medical Officer could decide to come in at any moment, Jolt brusquely ushered Maggie the rest of the way inside. **"Position yourself at one of the stations that suits your proportions. Once I have gathered the required supplies I will accompany you there."**

She obliged easily enough, placing her bottle on one of the benches first before climbing up herself. This allowed Jolt to hastily locate and procure several items from around the Med-bay before joining Maggie alongside the small examination station she had chosen. He placed the supplies on a side table and briefly supplemented his own adjustments accordingly. The specialized action of the cream he procured would block organic pain receptors, thus he left that unaltered. After completing his preparations with little difficulty he turned to face Maggie.

Noting that his frame was obscuring the light fixture above them, Jolt adjusted it. Abruptly a subsection of his processor pinged in a response of distaste. Upon further evaluation, the mech noted that he had actually preferred the sight of her engulfed within his shadow. Even despite it not being the ideal lighting for his task. Dismissing the illogical discrepancy as yet another side-effect of the altered energon, he promptly refocused on the now brightly lit visage of Maggie.

The computer analyst was returning his steady gaze intently; damp organic optics reflecting her increasing level of intoxication. "Are you sure you're up for this?" The bottle was held within a lax grip as she brought it up to run her tongue along the opening before ingesting more. All the while, her legs swung buoyantly from her seated position in an almost impatient manner.

" **Quite,"** he affirmed while absently narrowing his optic guards at her beverage.

"Cause you're starting to get a bad case of the wobbly wheels."

Determining that she was more than intoxicated enough to proceed, Jolt brought his left arm forward. He conducted a brief reexamination to assure the accuracy of the required schematics and then reshaped the servo accordingly. The whirl of gears realigned and plating slipped into place slower then usual. The transformation lasted several astro-seconds before the improved upon design of a needle presented itself. Within its chamber, his newly synthesized pigment awaited her dermis. One that would produce a vibrant shade of red and remain contained within her fibroblasts effectively. It also did not contain a level of toxicity, thus would not be detrimental to her fragile body composition. He was certain that this was not Ratchet's intended purpose for the base compounds he had modified, though one could not argue with the results. Especially after Jolt's adjustments were enabled.

He then made a brief note not to hinder his CMO's research in orchestrating methods by which one might prolong the quality and quantity of human life. _**It is proving to be a most worthwhile endeavor now that I have developed quite the rapport with one of them.**_

The blue mech shifted on his stabilizing servos to verify that he was secure before resting his right hand on her shoulder. Taking hold of the fabric, he carefully pulled it up to remove the obstruction. Only, instead of the garment coming off, her hand shot out to slap his away.

"Ay," she protested. "Just cause you blokes flash your headlights every chance yah get doesn't mean I'm ready to throw up my highbeams, too."

Jolt shuttered his optics, baffled by her choice of phrasing and the unwarranted hostile response. Comprehending English in its standard vernacular was not difficult for him. He had the language file in an easily accessible location. However, her current choice of informal words and expressions were another matter entirely. Especially considering he had a rather poor connection to her planet's global information network at the moment to properly cross-reference each one. Instead the blue mech shunted air through his filters steadily and determined her peculiar phrasing could be deciphered later. For now he explained, **"I am merely attempting to remove an obstacle so that I may proceed unhindered. No offense is meant, I assure you."**

Maggie's relaxed demeanor abruptly vanished. "Wait, so you actually wanna mark up my tits?"

" **Of course. It is the most suitable location for my faction's insignia."**

"Have you gone 'round the bend?"

He tilted his helm while stating, **"I do not perceive the dilemma."**

"But anyone'll be able to see it there! Not to mention it'll hurt like hell."

" **What you are about to receive is a venerated badge of honor."** Jolt bent closer, his transformed hand impatiently tapping against her metal seat. **"It will not be regarded as a mark of contrition."**

Keenly, he observed her lips mouthing the words, 'Melodramatic, much?' The computer analyst then raised her hands placatingly and said, "I get that, and I don't mean to whinge. But, why don't we put it someplace more… personal?" One of her eye lids flickered at him in a curiously suggestive manner before she finished in a hushed tone, "keep this whole thing between you and me."

The blue mech considered her perspective thoroughly. At the same time a small portion of his processor remained trained on her, watching as she continued to ingest her beverage. Negating her intoxicated manner, outwardly her method was quite similar to the way a Cybertronian began the process of fueling. Yet another parallel between their species that endeared her to him. Especially regarding the way Maggie contorted her face after each sip. As he finished processing her contention and its possible implication he determined, **"that is a valid argument. Particularly when we take into the consideration what ramifications such a blatant sigil upon your dermis might insinuate. My esteemed reputation will not be tarnished if extraneous displays do not elicit extraneous… explanations."**

"So now you're skipping on the 'E' section of an English translator? Oh, I so won for not being the one to-" Yet before she could continue her taunt, a quick, seemingly involuntary inhalation was emitted.

Jolt was delighted to note that the sharp sound was referred to as a 'hiccup.' He expressed as much with an impertinent grin. The extent of which Maggie's bodily functions performed to prove him correct on all accounts was indeed charming. With renewed volition he prompted, **"Do you have an alternate location available that will accommodate both of our requirements?"**

 

_No - you - can't escape_   
_The crash of dynamite_

_8-8-8-8_

_Don't you hurt me deep inside_   
_Feel you're exploding baby_   
_You're like dynamite_   
_I want you - I want you_

 

Maggie was mesmerized by the way Jolt's camera-like eyes whirled and flickered as he waited for her answer. It reminded her of how some photographers would go crazy snapping shots of an inspirational model. The thought had her barely resisting the urge to strike a few poses herself. Instead she busied her body with taking another drink, grimacing as the hard burn of tequila went down none too smoothly. It tasted stale and was lukewarm at best, but at least had her world spinning way past tipsy. _Just the place to be for my impromptu body modification thanks to an out-of-this-world stranger_.

She felt the magic of tequila do its job when inspiration struck. Maggie set down her drink before turning on the metal slab so her back was now facing Jolt. Legs were spread to straddle the exam table and she leaned forward so elbows were propping her up. Now comfortable, she reached behind her back to affirm that there was a sizeable space between the end of her blouse and hem of her skirt. She waited several long seconds, but the biting pinch of a needle never came. With growing impatience, she tossed blond hair over her shoulder before arching her back at him invitingly. "Well, what're you waiting for? Save the screenshots for when you're finished and brand me, baby!"

There was an even longer pause as the hum of his systems hitched loudly. Shortly after, she felt a cold cream being smeared across her lower back. It quickly warmed and the tingling heat had her closing her eyes. She didn't even realize Jolt added the piercing pressure of a needle until after it sank in. Maggie was more than prepared for it to hurt. So when she noticed the light prickling working its way across her skin, instead of searing pain, she couldn't help but tense up reflexively. By the feel of it, she never would have guessed that a giant sentient computer was currently carving up her lower back.

Jolt must have noticed her reaction since his other hand came up to wrap around her shoulders. She could feel the thrum of his systems through the metal fingers.

Coming from the otherwise stuck up wanker; this gesture was surprisingly sweet. _Comforting, even. Something I can lean into and-_

Maggie mentally smacked herself. This wasn't some dodgy backrub trick a guy pulled to work his way into her pants. Jolt was probably just trying to keep her still while he inked away. The pang of disappointment that thought came with had her balking at herself. _Fuck, I must really need to get laid if the robot is looking like a viable prospect to my drunk ass._ She then had to push all other thoughts about the other possibilities regarding their current position out of her head quite forcefully.

The needle pulled away only to come back down several more times before it stopped. A rumble that sounded something like **"Exquisite,"** was heard overhead and Maggie giggled to herself. _Well, if I'm gonna be marked for life, at least it's by a perfectionist that won't settle for bodgy quality._

As she twisted to get a look at her new bodily addition, one of the large monitors on the far wall hummed to life, casting the already brightly lit room in a flash of yellow. The light show was accompanied by a concerned, tinny voice through hidden speakers. **"Jolt, why is your energy signature registering from within** _ **my**_ **Med-Bay? You are not scheduled for medical detail at this time."**

Jolt was so surprised that he knocked over the side table, scattering various creams and tools all over the floor. He barely seemed to regain his composure before replying, **"I-I know sir. I simply needed to… utilize your facility. Temporarily, of course. I have completed my task and will be departing shortly."**

" **I am detecting an organic heat signature accompanying you. Has a medical emergency occurred? And if so, why have I not been informed of this?"**

" **No, no. Nothing of the sort. The situation is completely under control, sir."**

" **And what, pray tell, is the exact nature of your situation?"**

Jolt's face plating twisted into a universal look of distress. The poor bloke was up shit creek without a paddle and Maggie sympathized. Higher-ups were tricky fuckwits to work with on the best of days. Completely off his face like this; Jolt didn't stand a chance. It was then that drunken inspiration struck again. _Guess he's gonna need me to save his shiny metal ass for the second time tonight._

"G'Day," Maggie called out in her friendliest slur. "Ow-yar-goin?"

A rather judgmental sounding hiss of acknowledgement was heard over the intercom. It was followed by, **"You are clearly not oriented to the correct time of your planetary rotation. Are you at the very least cognizant of your geographical location? Identify yourself."**

Maggie debated whether to scoff indignantly or giggle. _And I thought Jolt was a critical shagger_. She settled for answering, "I'm just your friendly neighborhood analyst. And we were just leaving."

" **Not until after I have been informed of your purpose in entering my facility."**

"Can't a Sheila have a proper tour of base without getting curry from a wowser?"

" **Jolt,"** the stern voice addressed. **"This human is clearly not functioning at a satisfactory level. Perform a preliminary scan and report your findings."**

The blue mech's hand had been hovering over her, as if caught between determining the best way to either shut Maggie up or cheer her on. After looking from the screen and back to her, his mechanical eyes lit up and projected outward, sweeping a beam of light over her. He then made these obnoxious high pitched beeping and grating noises. They were practically indistinguishable from the way her old modem used to sound when connecting to dial-up internet access.

What sounded like an air-conditioner about to give out came over the sound system. **"Apparently you are likewise indisposed. Ironhide had informed me of this statistical outcome during the ceremony earlier. Even still, I must admit that I never expected you of all mechs to behave this negligently. Have you also injured Miss Madsen in any way due to your current state? I understand how such an accident might occur as well as your reluctance to disclose it to me. At the very least, by the sound of her speech patterns she may require detoxification.**

"Oh piss off, you great blooming-"

" **Maggie,"** Jolt interrupted firmly. **"I must insist that you lower your volume when addressing Ratchet, my superior officer."** Sure his words were stern, but that barely contained drunken grin totally gave him away. He obviously didn't want to show it, but Jolt was totally getting off on her giving it to his boss.

If she were with any other guy, Maggie would be prepping herself for the inevitable tour of her bed. Instead she brushed off the entire exchange with, "Whatever. Carn, Jolt. Forget this hemmie. We still have an entire base that needs exploring."

Before she could grab her drink and get down, an awful grinding sound filled the room. Just as it stopped a reinforced steel door came crashing down over the only exit.

" **Remain where you are,"** Ratchet's voice commanded stiffly. **"I will arrive to assess the situation for myself shortly."**

Jolt's lenses whirled right round like a fritzing camcorder. He was definitely in some sort of panicked, drunken stupor since he started zipping around the room scrutinizing panels while loudly scanning the walls. Maggie guessed this wasn't a game for him anymore as he whirled like a crocodile in a death roll. She must have giggled at the sight since those wide glass eyes abruptly narrowed in her direction.

"What? We're not sprung yet," Maggie whispered under her breath before climbing down from the exam table. "Something's gotta give; this place is too shiny and new not to have a few weak points. Now let's find one and shoot through."

Jolt looked like he was about to argue that fact. His one needle finger rose up in a challenging way and everything. Then a triumphant smirk suddenly curved up on his face. Startlingly fast, the mech reshaped that arm into some sort of gun and aimed his new weapon at the ground. Before Maggie could explain that this wasn't exactly what she meant, the Autobot was literally shooting up the floor beneath them. The room erupted in the sound of gunfire as the ground shattered and melted away to reveal a tunnel. Their new exit.

He then turned to face her with a charming smile. One that she never thought his face plating could possibly pull off. " **Are you prepared to, how you might phrase,** _ **rage on**_ **?"**

Beyond excited, and in too many ways to keep track of, Maggie cheered, "Good on ya, ya crazy bastard!"

With her drink in one hand and the other gripping Jolt's shoulder plating, they fled from the scene. All the while she frowned each time her drink splashed onto the ground with Jolt's unsteady steps. She was pretty sure they were lost, considering all the times they seemed to get turned around. But his constant reassurances and the way he stroked her hair made it hard to worry about where they were. Eventually the surface was in sight, and from there the two agreed they needed to lay low for a while.

"I think we gave him the flick," Maggie said while Jolt carried her into an empty storage room.

He showed no indication of putting her down any time soon as he closed the door and lowered himself to the worn concrete ground. **"Affirmative. Ratchet will likely remain in his Medical facility for the duration of this cycle."**

"You sure? That bloke was one agrro ambo."

His frame reverberated against her in laughter. **"While your interference did nothing but escalate an already delicate situation, I did appreciate it."**

Maggie stopped playing with the lip of her bottle and really looked up at Jolt. Her heart fluttered at the raw sincerity she saw in his metal face. Embarrassed, she tried to brush it off by saying, "Think nothing of it. You're my mate, after all."

 

_It makes me wanna die_

8-8-8-8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some Slang Explained:
> 
> Doovalacky : used whenever you can't remember what something is called
> 
> Good on ya : good for you, well done
> 
> Beaut, beauty : great, fantastic
> 
> Yawn : boring, dull, uninspiring
> 
> Yobbo : Someone uncouth, uncultured, a hic
> 
> Bush bash : long, competitive race through the bush
> 
> Yabbering : talking (a lot)
> 
> Figjam : "Fuck I'm good; just ask me."
> 
> Liquid laugh : vomit
> 
> Chunder : vomit
> 
> Fuckwit : an idiot
> 
> Conch : a conscientious person. Somebody who would rather work or study than go out and enjoy him/herself.
> 
> Booze bus : police vehicle used for catching drunk drivers
> 
> Duffer : an oaf
> 
> Burl : try it, have a go
> 
> Hit the Turps : go on a drinking binge
> 
> Bingle : motor vehicle accident
> 
> Wobbly boot : drunk
> 
> Lair it up : to behave in a brash and vulgar manner
> 
> Strewth : exclamation, a mild oath
> 
> Grog : liquor, beer
> 
> Bizzo : business ("mind your own bizzo")
> 
> The Night's a Pup : It's still early in the evening, let's do something
> 
> Bastard : term of endearment
> 
> Ace : excellent, splendid
> 
> Two pot screamer : somebody who gets drunk on very little alcohol
> 
> Gone round the bend : gone crazy or mental
> 
> Whinge : complain
> 
> Wanker : pretentious tool
> 
> Dodgy : sketchy, ambiguous in some way
> 
> Bodgy : of inferior quality
> 
> Up shit creek without a paddle - in serious trouble
> 
> Off (his) face : drunk
> 
> G'Day : informal greeting
> 
> Ow-yar-goin : how are you
> 
> Shagger: Fucker
> 
> Give(get) curry - give(get) a hard time
> 
> Wowser : straight-laced person, prude, puritan, spoilsport
> 
> Carn : Come on
> 
> Hemmie : Someone who gets haemorrhoids very easily; offensive
> 
> Sprung : caught doing something wrong
> 
> Shoot through : to leave
> 
> Rage on : to continue partying
> 
> Aggro: aggravated
> 
> Ambo : paramedic (derived from ambulance officer)
> 
> Flick : to give something or somebody the flick is to get rid of it or them


	5. Last Night's One Night Stand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Huh, you actually stuck around after the long wait and that public service announcement against drunk driving (which was not so thinly veiled within the confines of an erotic fanfiction). Shiny. This chapter fast forwards back to the present and is brought to you with too much help from Sideswipe. Initially I was at a loss for how to make it build on what 1 and 3 already did without feeling like filler before the sweet, steamy smut that is scheduled to come next. An idea came not too long after I posted the last chapter and for the longest time I fretted about how exactly to pull it off. Once again, this is a paralleled chapter where the first and second parts take place at the same time and mirror one another. Only, now it's connected even more then I initially planned and I'm stoked to see if I succeeded in portraying it.
> 
> Related Music: - The Pipettes - One Night Stand

_I left you alone,_

_At four in the morning, not a stitch to wear_

' _Cause you ignored my warning_

 

Mikaela was nowhere in sight by the time Maggie dragged herself from the shower and into their shared bedroom. _Good_ , she thought. _I have enough to think about without the outside world's help, especially with another impromptu interrogation session_. Already she remembered most of what happened last night and exactly what part she played in all of it. First was getting into a car that had just drank and was about to drive. This intelligent decision was, of course, followed by continuing to drink, stunt driving, getting a tramp stamp, and then hiding in a closet from Ratchet-who apparently had a rotary saw in his hand- after pissing him off. _Fucking brilliant, Mags._

Letting out a pent up sigh she slumped into a clothes covered chair, not caring that the towel partially slipped from her body. Though after spotting that freaky metallic shimmer from between her legs she hastily pulled the damp cloth down around her more tightly. Even after all the time spent scrubbing and soaking, that damn metal still wouldn't come off. It was like a layer of super glue that refused to peel off her fingers no matter how much she picked and scratched at it. Her nails were practically worn down to stubs from trying and she lamented losing the expertly applied coat of her favorite coral nail polish from the wasted effort.

Sitting up straight, Maggie reluctantly decided it was time to seriously think about how last night's one night stand had her up a gum tree concerning her career aspirations. And she had been so sure that she found the perfect calling that came with both government perks and top-secret clearances for her to play with. Most computer analysts were trapped in cubicles for years while she landed this position right out of college. _But now…_

Technically her new position on base was already accepted before she even flew out here. She didn't even have to get stuck living in some military barrack since Mikaela was more than willing to take in a permanent roommate. Did Maggie dare try to back out now after all the arrangements had been finalized and her security clearances officiated? Last night was supposed to be a chance for her to socialize more with her future neighbors and coworkers. That it also happened to be the same night as some celebratory banquet just seemed like a lucky perk. _So much for a good first impression,_ she thought bleakly. _Already taking up the mantle of intergalactic office floozy before even seeing the office._ Was her dignity really worth the fancy position and all the perks it came with?

Unwilling to answer that just yet, Maggie scanned the bedroom-turned-make-shift-garage for a distraction. Her suitcase was spotted peeking out from under one of the many neglected clothing piles. To get to it she had to step over an engine block and around a truck's grill that was currently being used as a bra drying rack. Kneeling before it she carefully considered her wardrobe options. She chose a shapeless college t-shirt with a pair of khaki capris to thoroughly hide her legs. Everything else packed seemed either too professional or too revealing for the mood she was in. The computer analyst was just topping off her shut-in look by tying her hair back when the need for coffee made itself known in her jittery hands. This brought her to the only seemingly organized space in the entire room; Mikaela's coffee station. On it was one of those fancy machines that used pre-ground coffee in specialized cups rather than the filter-and-can-combo she was used to. Looking over the vast selection of specialty blends, she decided on the simplest and boldest looking flavor before starting the contraption. She allowed herself to become lost in the heavenly smell that the rich dark liquid brought. When it was done, the smoky bitter taste seemed to take away the rest of her worries as she settled in to avoid the judgmental world for at least the rest of the day.

Then a forceful bang was suddenly heard low on the door. "Crap," Maggie cursed while fumbling to keep her mug from spilling. _I'm so not ready for whoever the hell that could be right now._

After righting herself she eyed the door suspiciously just as the impatient sound repeated itself several more times. Grudgingly accepting that she'd been avoiding the inevitable for long enough, she braced for this next confrontation. But upon opening the door Maggie found herself face to giant silver kneecap. Tilting her head back she followed the brightly reflective metal plating up to a subtly smirking Autobot that easily stood around 15 feet tall, balancing on wheeled feet. It took a moment before she realized that this was the mech that had accompanied Jolt to her table last night.

"Tall, silver and nosey," she recognized aloud.

Without missing a beat he countered, " **short, blond, and reclusive."** The Autobot's camera-like eyes then flickered with a curious head tilt. **"And still in once piece; even after last cycle."**

The suggestive slur of his tone had Maggie crossing her arms warily. "Was there any doubt?"

" **Ya did leave the party with Jolt, of all mechs."**

_Now what was that implication supposed to mean?_ Sure Jolt wasn't exactly a gentleman, but from what she could remember he was downright careful and strangely sweet to her. _At least when he wasn't being a condescending bastard._ With a more exaggerated accent then usual she replied, "No worriers then. As you can see, I'm apples."

While casually resting his elbow joint on the roof of her building, a bright beam of blue light shined up, and then leisurely down, her body. The action was eerily reminiscent of a bloke blatantly giving her the once-over. Only far more invasive than flattering.

He must have noticed her indignant glare because he shamelessly explained, **"I was just** _ **seeing**_ **for myself."**

"Well I hope it was satisfying, cause that's the last peek you're going to get." The blonde's hand rested on the doorknob, more than ready to make her retreat.

" **Defensive and sassy too. No wonder ya caught Jolt's optic so fast. Too bad that's not the only thing of Jolt's ya caught."**

Maggie really, really, didn't want to rise to the bait. She needed to step back and slam the door on him. Under normal circumstances, that would've been so easy. Especially considering how much this mech reminded her of a sleazy guy in a dingy bar. Minus a couple feet, plus a few layers of skin and he was a spitting image in attitude and body language. It made the prospect of denying him all the more satisfying. But an urge to itch between her thighs stayed her hand.

Gulping down her pride, the analyst reluctantly asked, "so how do I get it off?"

Using the building for support, the Autobot smoothly bent down closer to her level, a sly smile playing across his robotic features. But the abrupt movement wasn't nearly as startling as the silence that went with it. No matter how faint, every movement she could remember Jolt making came with a noise. Not that Jolt rattled like a desktop from the 90's, but by comparison something this big and heavy shouldn't move with dead silence. Not even a hiss of hydraulics or light scraping of metal on metal accompanied the graceful crouch his frame shifted into.

Then, in an almost too serious voice he finally answered, **"sunbathing."**

"Excuse me?" Maggie didn't even try holding back the scoff in her tone.

A grin that was both mechanical and smooth suddenly broke apart the mech's plated face. **"I'll explain everything once we get going. Now go grab a bathing suit so I can help ya with this. Or come naked. Your choice."**

_Fantastic_ , she thought irately. _I get the chance to work with aliens and so far all the ones I talk to are perverts. Typical._ But she really did need someone's help with this and he already knew about it anyway. Also, the less people that found out about her, uh… 'condition' the better. Maggie wasn't sure how many more direct hits her reputation could take in the span of 24 hours. And while going off alone with another Autobot definitely wasn't the best idea, at least she wasn't drunk this time around. Mind made up, Maggie turned her back on him to storm over to her suitcase for the second time that morning. She settled on the most modest looking bikini she owned, a simple dark blue Ralph Lauren with a band across the top and full bottoms. She slipped it on while careful not to look down at her thighs. From there she donned the longest cover-up she owned and an already packed beach bag before stepping back outside.

Instead of a tall, gloating robot she was greeted by a silver Corvette Stingray. There was no denying the car was gorgeous. He was stylized in all the right ways from the strong lines melding into smooth curves in all the right places. Even without being a car enthusiast like Mikaela, Maggie could appreciate a good looking ride. But while his alt mode was definitely sleeker than Jolt's, it somehow felt so much less inviting, even as he opened his driver's side door to her.

Hesitantly she placed her hand on the hood but didn't get in just yet. "I'm trying to make it a habit to at least know someone's name before I climb inside them," she said comically to try and break up some of the tension weighing down on her.

" **Sideswipe,"** the speakers practically purred.

Self-consciously she looked around to make sure no one was watching before she slid into the seat. She felt it contour to her body a little more than necessary but decided to ignore that for a more pressing concern. "Alright, start talking. What is this stuff and how the hell is tanning going to take it off?"

The computer analyst barely felt Sideswipe pull out from in front of her building as he picked up speed to head off from base and towards the nearest coastline. Getting impatient she was about to ask her question again, only much more forcefully, before he suddenly spoke up.

" **Nanites, and by destroying the organic cellular structure they're currently fixated to."**

Maggie blinked once, then twice. It did nothing to lessen her aggravation. "Will you quit dicking around and give it to me straight, already?"

An obnoxious static burst emitted from the speakers before she heard his cocky voice again. **"Think about it, however hard that might be in a sweet ride like me,"** he teased. There was an eccentric buzzing pause before he added, **"those nanites aren't going to adhere to damaged tissue for long. Your epidermis is already dead bio-cells anyway. So ya just need to make your skin more uninhabitable and Jolt's portable sensory array will peel right off it."**

If this had happened to anyone but her, Maggie would be intellectually intrigued by the entire situation. But that wasn't the case, so she was just curiously disturbed. "Ok I guess I get that part, but what about these nanites… what are they exactly? Some sort of robo jizz or did I get an intergalactic STD?"

Around her the car rumbled in laughter. It would have felt nice if it didn't feel so creepy. **"No no, nothing like that. They're just another means of data collection for us."**

Despite herself, Maggie felt a little hurt by that. "So was that all last night was to him? A drunken experiment to be sampled and tested in a lab later?"

" **Wrong again,"** Sideswipe announced while taking a sharp turn that barely jostled her from his seat. **"A simple scan can tell us most anything we want to learn about most anything. In your case I'm guessing the nanites simply gave him a more… intimate external stimulus**." There was an eerily thoughtful pause before he added, **"almost like forming better wireless connection by using an improvised adaptor for the uplink."**

"That doesn't make me feel any better."

" **And why should it? The purpose of those was probably to make** _ **him**_ **feel better, after all. It's not like your access port had anything for Jolt to make a direct connection with."**

His cheeky attitude made her feel even dirtier and she hunched in on herself. Maggie had been trying to deny it all morning but knowing what she did now made that impossible. It wasn't like they simply got smashed and went streaking. They… _did_ stuff. "So I definitely had sex with him last night, huh?"

" **Oh yeah,"** Sideswipe affirmed too cheerily as he pulled up onto an empty beach, tires unhindered by the loose sand. " **Or at least close enough. Now come on out so we can get ya nice and…** _ **situated**_ **."**

"Has anyone ever told you you're a filthy pervert for a supposedly advanced species?"

" **Don't think ya have the right to judge, lil' femme. I've seen your internet. I know about rule 34."**

She just barely reigned in a laugh while stepping out from him, beach bag in hand and scowl stubbornly in place. Nothing about this was funny. Maybe it would be when she looked back on it in a few years and had a ridiculous story to never tell anyone. _Ever_. But right now, not so much. To distract her from the foul mood she switched her focus to the scenery. The beach Sideswipe chose was pretty enough, and thankfully very secluded. Making her way closer to the water, Maggie found a place to set up her towel and lie down. From behind she heard the faintest mechanical whirl, signaling the quietest transformation she could ever remember hearing. Turning, she saw he was already a robot again as he too easily skated his way towards her on wheeled feet.

Turning back to the waves she pulled the cover-up over her head before bunching it together to use as a makeshift pillow. As she sat down a stray thought nagged at her. One she fixated on like a koala on eucalyptus. "Ok, so this is going to help take off the nanny things on my skin, but what about the ones that he got, well… inside me?"

" **Oh those? They'll probably just sluff right off during your next fertility cycle. So right now you're infertile since an egg won't be able to adhere to your uterine walls."**

"So free birth-control for a month. Guess that's a silver lining."

" **Just like your silver lined vagina,"** he pointed out.

"Fuck you."

" **What, Jolt wasn't enough?"**

Maggie shot him the dirtiest look she could muster, which wasn't hard considering her mood.

Sideswipe's glowing blue eyes just beamed right back at her pompously. **"Yeah, who am I kidding, no one could ever be enough compared to me."**

Getting tired of his cocky attitude Maggie pointed out, "Oh, like you would know how to please a human."

His tone was less lecherous and more teasing as he said, **"wouldn't have to know. That's what learning's for."**

"Well you've picked the wrong tutor," Maggie announced sternly while applying sunscreen everywhere that her actual skin was exposed. "I'm officially retired."

" **Ya say that** _ **now**_ **,"** he prompted insistently.

"Yeah, and I'll be saying it later, too." With that, she flopped down against her towel unceremoniously. The feel of the sun against her was heavenly. Spreading her legs a little more, she allowed it to reach where she needed to feel it the most. She'd get what was under the bathing suit later when she had a chance to sunbathe alone or at least with Mikaela as a look out. But for now, she tried to just enjoy the moment.

Then Sideswipe spoke up again. **"Sheesh, femme, you're giving off a worse glare then Ratchet's heinous paintjob."**

After lobbing the bottle of sunscreen at him, Maggie settled back down on the beach. The sweet sounds of his outrage at her getting synthetic slime all over and between his armor plating lulled her into relaxation at last.

 

_You thought it was special_   
_You thought I was wrong_   
_But now I'm telling you_   
_Baby, as I sing this song_

_-8-8-8-8-_

_I saw you cross a crowded room_   
_You smiled at me and made my heart go boom (BOOM!)_   
_I looked at the scoresheet, and saw a seven_   
_So I walked up to you and said_   
_"Baby did it hurt when you fell from heaven?"_

 

Ratchet's energy reading could not be detected within the vicinity as Jolt exited the wash-racks and faced the Med-Bay. _**Good**_ , he determined. _**There is already far too much data for me to sort through without the distraction he presents as an external stimuli**_. For the most part, he now had access to several files pertaining to the solar cycle before. From what he could discern, Jolt had clearly engaged in multiple levels of reckless endangerment. This was subsequent to extensive property damage, defacing the hindquarters of a carbon-based native, as well as having disrespected, and then fled from, a commanding officer. _**I loath to recall a time when I was more disappointed in myself.**_

A harsh exhale of air emitted from his vents as he slumped against the outside wall, allowing the heat of the natural environment to dry his armor. After a brief olfactory analysis he was disquieted to note that the time spent cleansing his frame did little to remove the organic odor which persistently clung to him. It somehow managed to seep into his very core, as though it were a virus; clinging to program files and adamantly resisting deletion no matter the innovations he attempted to implement in order to remove every trace. Reluctantly he disabled his scanning equipment. He would simply have to wait until his systems properly repaired instead of engaging in another futile attempt to purge himself of _her_.

Shifting against the building, Jolt affirmed that he needed to consider the repercussions from the previous cycle's unorthodox social escapade and how it will impact his future prospects. Initially the blue mech had been elated upon discovering The Prime's transmission. It affirmed that a treatise was being established by Cybertronians with new allies. Whereas many of his comrades remained scattered and alone, he had been reunited with his faction and their illustrious leader. _**Yet after this…**_

Upon arrival he had formally pledged his services to this unit and the Earthling's military compound as well. Despite having the Chief Medical Officer and capable warriors within this unit, Jolt's field medic protocols are valued and combat proficiency respected. Could Jolt really retract his word now and simply leave? He already detested the interaction he was required to have with the humans on a regular basis. Thus the unnecessary social gathering was not an event he anticipated going particularly well for him in the first place. _**And now my otherwise stellar reputation has been tarnished,**_ he realized dejectedly. _**That even stationed with the likes of Sideswipe, I can be considered the primary sexual deviant on this base.**_ Was no longer being alone truly worth his reputation, his pride?

Reluctant to process the matter further, Jolt focused on the entrance to the unoccupied medical facility. He was assigned a task, however menial and demeaning, that would be the first step in redeeming himself in the optics of his comrades. He begrudgingly pushed his frame off and away from the wall to progress towards his objective. Upon entering, he was met with a rather abysmal sight. The typically meticulous room was littered with containers that belonged in drawers and splashed with substances that belonged in their respective containers. The cabinets appeared to have been ravaged and three exam tables were overturned. Most ruinous of all was the gaping fissure that he had torn through the floor into the lower levels that were still not thoroughly fortified. It would be long tedious work, something his still recuperating systems were not properly fueled to handle. Then he took note of Ratchet's medical-grade energon dispenser. While not the most tantalizing energy source, it certainly would allow him to recalibrate and thus reach his optimum level at a much more efficient rate. After activating the initiation sequence, Jolt already felt his hydraulics hissing in relaxation at the sight of the radiant roseate colored fluid flowing into a cube. He didn't even bother to register the taste as he filled his previously abused tank with the cleansing fuel.

At the same moment an incoming transmission abruptly pinged on his intercommunication system. **"Slag,"** Jolt swore as he recognized the heavily encoded signal. **Sideswipe…**

With the empty cube deposited beside it's dispenser he pensively considered the intrusive hailing for his attention. Reluctantly, Jolt opened the link to accept the transmission. It took several clicks for the connection to be validated before the firewalls reestablished themselves, enclosing the two Autobots on a secure and private line. Typically Jolt considered such precautions unnecessary outside of battle and covert missions. Yet considering the sensitive nature of this conversation, he was grateful for the additional precautions.

Once the connection was firmly established, Sideswipe's too cheerful voice demanded, **::What the frag did ya do to this comm link? Sounds like someone's unlubed hinges got stuck in overdrive.::**

**::You know perfectly well that any interference can be traced directly back to your abysmal attempt at synthesizing high-grade energon. What did you amalgamate that concoction in, a smelter?::**

A flare of approval from Sideswipe trickled along their link. **::One night with an organic and mild mannered mech, Jolt, gets himself reinforced back-struts.::** There was a peculiar pause before he sardonically added, **::Didn't see that** _ **coming**_ **.::**

Jolt was in a foul enough mood and, as he initially discerned, this conversation would only worsen it. **::Is there no one else available for you to beleaguer? I have work detail to attend to.::**

**::Heh, ya mean punishment?::**

**::Semantics,::** The blue mech sent back sharply. **::Now if you would excuse me, there is a facility in disarray that requires my attention.::**

The line went silent and for a moment Jolt allowed himself to believe Sideswipe had completed his mission to berate a fellow comrade's predicament. That was until a faint purr was heard over the comm just as the silver mech stated, **::Too bad that's not the only area ya left a mess last night.::**

Beguiled back into the conversation, Jolt made an assumption he calculated would end it indubitably. **::If you are referring to the construction yard I inadvertently vandalized, I am certain that Ratchet will direct me to it once I have repaired his Medical facility. Besides, there is no reason to expedite those repairs since that facility is only for the humans.::**

**::Actually I'm now transmitting to let ya know I just located a, uh… unconventional spot ya missed. One that typically requires a more sensitive touch then what I figured ya for.::**

This time it was nigh impossible for Jolt to miss the suggestive tone from his fellow Autobot. **::What, pray tell, are you implying?::**

**::Hold on a click, I'm also in the middle of something right now,::** and with that the line crackled out, effectively putting Jolt 'on hold'.

The blue mech ground several gears in frustration before placing a now empty cube next to the dispenser. Indulging his annoyance would have to wait, at least until his assignment was complete. After surveying the wreckage once again he emitted a groan as he began clearing the floor. The minor debris was removed first, followed by wiping up each spilt substance. He discarded the refuse in the designated waste disposal before moving on to putting away and organizing the supplies that were not destroyed. He then proceeded to set each exam table on its correct side before lining them along the center of the room meticulously. Looking over his progress with approval he nodded before assessing what would cause him the most grief this cycle; the breach between the upper and lower levels of the facility.

He would need to acquire the correct materials for this aspect of the repair so in the meantime he set about to prepare the fissure for closure. Choosing through his arsenal carefully he was able to convert weaponry into tools for this task and utilized his medical expertise to add a certain finesse to the maintenance. Now that the flooring around the hole was situated, the blue mech took a moment to appreciate his handiwork. Though it did not last long as the return of Sidewipe's voice once again pinged for attention.

**::Sorry about that. Now where were we?::**

**::You were about to impart on me what it was you were insinuating.::**

**::Oh right, that. Nothing much. Just letting ya know in advance that ya'll likely owe me for cleaning up after ya.::**

Jolt looked from the outside organic world visible through a window, to the hole in the floor that required menial labor more suited to a maintenance drone then himself. The longer he allowed Sideswipe to prolong this conversation, the longer it would take to complete this assignment. **::I do not have time for these antics. State your exact businesses, however inane it may be.::**

There was a faint burst of static interference, followed by, **::what** _ **do**_ **ya remember from last night?::**

Jolt stiffened at the question, optic guards narrowing. **::My memory banks are none of your concern.::**

He heard Sideswipe click at him admonishingly. **::Then it's a good thing I already took the initiative and found out a few tasty bytes of data on my own.::**

Jolt felt the energon in his tank churn indignantly. **::I allowed you entry past my firewalls to have a secure, private conversation. If you dared to take advantage of that, so help me, I-!::**

**::Reign in the lightening treatment there, Jolty,::** Sideswipe cut in placatingly. :: **I'm shocked ya'd think I'd even consider doing something so crudely invasive.** Then, with a smugness Jolt had not heard in his comrade's voice since the disappearance of Sunstreaker, Sideswipe added, **::especially considering how other intel gathering techniques are way more fun than scanning through your boring-aft programming.::**

Jolt's processor whirled with possibilities, most of which did not bode well for him. In no mood to become lost in uncertainties he pointedly requested, **::Cease this frivolity and simply give it to me, as directly and thoroughly as possible. This INSTANT!::**

**::Heh, that's what she said.::**

Jolt balked. Sideswipe had used this particular human colloquialismon him several times before. After getting past its seeming randomness, Jolt devised that it contributed nothing but an unnecessary level of crudeness, effectively vitiating any intelligent discussion. Thus far it remained one of his least favorite facets of human culture on an ever increasing list. **::You know very well I have no patience for such idioms. Especially** _ **that**_ **one.::**

**::No really,::** Sideswipe insisted. **::That's basically what she said. Just as heated but way less pretentious.::**

Jolt's optics flickered once, than twice in befuddlement before realization flashed across is HUD. **::Remove yourself from the vicinity of that human THIS** _ **INSTANT**_ **!::**

**::No can do, Jolty.::**

**::And why is that?::**

**::Kinda hard considering she's inside of me at the moment.::**

The outraged disbelief Jolt was experiencing must have been strong enough to silently broadcast over their connection. His accidental emotional reveal was soon answered by an image upload from Sideswipe. It depicted an all too familiar human seated within the silver mech's interior. Her hair was pulled back out of her face, giving him a clear view of a frown that might have actually matched his own.

Jolt filed the image away for further scrutiny later and abruptly focused the majority of his processing power towards discerning where exactly Sideswipe was transmitting from. Finding that his target was on the move, the blue mech abandoned the still unfinished floor repairs and darted outside the Med-bay for a better signal. With the help of Ratchet's medical-grade energon still coursing through his lines, he was soon able to access many of his auxiliary systems with ease. In particular he focused on tracing Sideswipe's trajectory pattern. A task that would have been easier if his comrade was not distracting him with a continuous onslaught of image files. Each one was of Maggie at different angles with that same expression of displeasure Jolt still found himself relating to all too well. The silver mech finally ended the slideshow with the audio file. It was her voice asking Sideswipe a question Jolt very much did not wish to know the answer to: _"So I definitely had sex with him last night, huh?"_

**::Ya know,::** Sideswipe began in an overly jubilant tone. **:: I never woulda figured ya for a human humper. Heh, guess it really is the one ya'd least expect.::**

Jolt emitted a disgruntled burst of static at the unseemly accusation. **::I did not have sexual relations with that human::**

**::My scans say otherwise.::**

Finally locking onto the silver mech's coordinates-an isolated coastline located off the main travel routes-Jolt leapt forward and hit the ground with all four wheels spinning. The rough transformation didn't even register as he pushed his speed well past the capabilities of his altmode's terrestrial counterpart.

All the while, Sideswipe continued to berate him. **::Guess the simple stimulus of repetitive data collection wasn't enough for ya, eh? Needed to rev it up to enhance the experience. Kinky.::**

The gravity of the situation was pressing down upon Jolt with each of Sideswipe's crudely derogatory comments. The sensation was rather reminiscent of the reentry process into a large planet's orbit. While rounding a sharp bend in the road, the Chevrolet Volt reluctantly transmitted, **::this demonstration of your intel is unnecessary. If you are going to use it to coerce me into one of your schemes, then by all means, state your impetuous demands.::**

**::Why Jolt, you dent me. I'm not some Decepticon extortionist like Swindle, I'm your friend. And as your friend, I just went out of my way to help ya out over here by completing my mission. A simple, "thank ya," was all ya needed to say.::**

The word 'mission' unnervingly lit up in Jolt's HUD. **::And what mission, pray tell, is this particular farce a part of?::**

**::To get ya to loosen those joints and enjoy yourself. Sure ya took more advantage of the opportunity then I planned. But no worries, I got this sector taken care of.::** A teasing hum traveled through the connection just as the silver mech added, **::it was all assigned and carried out by yours truly. Off the record to ensure your privacy, of course.::**

**::Oh, of course,::** Jolt repeated with a flare of condemnation. His engine rumbled darkly as the coast line came into view.

Through the dense foliage surrounding it, Sideswipe's gleaming silver frame was easily identified. Beside him the human femme lay sprawled out on the ground. Jolt briskly transformed into his bi-pedal form before stepping onto the loose earth. It gave way under his weight, masking his typically strident steps unlike most of the planets terrain. When he was several car lengths away, a peculiar metallic glare originating from Maggie caught his optic. Locking on to her lounging form, Jolt's sensors detected a faint beacon emanating from her. A flare of trepidation caused him to abruptly brake when he recognized the coding of his nanites.

Apparently Sideswipe noted his blantant scans and proceeded to interpret them incorrectly. **::Not bad, eh? Nearly got her stripped down to the protoform,::** the silver mech goaded.

Before Jolt could launch himself into another digital altercation, his human interceded with a non-lethal projectile. She propelled it weakly from her position, still managing a direct hit that coated the silver mech in synthetic lubricant. Despite himself, Jolt reveled in a surge of pride as he closed the distance between them.

 

_I don't love you_   
_I don't want you_   
_If you think that this is cruel_   
_then you should see what my friends do_   
_I don't love you_   
_I don't want you_   
_Leave me alone, you're just a one night stand to me_


End file.
